The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Britain has today been coming to terms with the fact that as of the week-end it is now illegal not to like Dolly Parton. After what has been named the biggest concert by anyone ever, (aside from North Korea’s Kim Jong Un fest where the entire country’s population come to see their great leader play […]
Prince Charles has today abdicated from his position as King-in-Waiting following revelations that he sought to influence Government decisions Speaking from outside Buckingham Palace and now known simply as Chas Windsor, the former royal explained “It’s the only decent thing to do really, I’ve overplayed my card and been caught trying to act out a […]
Michael Eavis has confirmed that he has permanently shut the gates to Glastonbury and will not be reopening them to let people out unless absolutely forced to by the courts. Speaking to middle aged sixth former Jo Whiley live on television Mr Eavis explained. “Did you honestly all think the 35 foot fence was to […]
A spokesman for Piers Morgan has confirmed that despite the incarceration of journalist and political strategist Andy Coulson for conspiracy to intercept voice mails, the former Daily Mirror editor come celebrity is not at all shitting his pants. Our source told us “Far from it. His pants are most definitely squeaky clean. I can personally […]
Tesco have become the envy of Asda, Morrisons and Aldi as it has emerged that they are bankrolling the Boomtown Fair in Hampshire this year. Intended to provide a much needed injection of cool into the flagging supermarket giant and a much needed injection of chopped and shaped meat derivative products, such as twizzly chicken […]
A future North of England could see it’s major cities connected by a series of steam trains, running several times a week according to plans announced today by Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne. Speaking at a packed press conference in Manchester, Mr Osborne explained “For a northern economy to thrive, northerners are going to […]
European Commission President, Jean Claude Junker, will insist on Britain following the rest of Europe in driving on the right hand side of the road as a condition for any new deal brokered by David Cameron, according to EU sources. It is likely that the ruling will not become compulsory straight away, instead being enforced […]
Matt Damon has confirmed today that he will be taking on the role of rapper Ice Cube in the forthcoming film about the meteoric rise and fall of the rap band NWA. Damon who admits that this may be his most challenging role so far told us “People have commented that I may not look […]
Roy Hodgson has confirmed that he and the entire England squad will be offering all England fans a free owl by way of appeasement for their humiliating defeat to Uruguay in the group stages of the world cup finals. “We all earn a ridiculous amount of money and it’s about time we gave something back […]
UK spy boss Charles Farr has made an impassioned plea to Facebook users to try to make their Facebook profile and status updates more interesting after complaints from his own agents. “We’ve read most of your profiles by now and I’ve got to say Christ what are you people thinking? It’s one thing to bore […]
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