The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Heavy Metal group Metallica look unlikely to perform their headline slot at Glastonbury 2014 after all, as according to industry insiders, the entire band have been eaten by bears. Bear hunting is a sport widely advocated by the National Rifle Association in America. It’s leader Charlton Heston apparently lived in fear of the world turning […]
Michael Eavis has confirmed today that Glastonbury 2016 will be setting the standard for music festivals around the country by becoming Britain’s first dry festival.
Prince Charles is to take over from King Juan Carlos of Spain who has abdicated today. A shock to many, the ruling is apparently due to a recent European directive that went largely unnoticed at the time, where the appointment of new monarchs within the EU will be decided on how long they’ve been endlessly […]
Canadian crooner Justin Bieber has confirmed that as of today he is now a fully paid up member of the United Kingdom Independence Party. The cock womble songsmith took time out from defecating onto fans from the top of a ladder when he broke the news, which it is thought will further increase Nigel Farage’s […]
Talks between Tony Blair and George Bush which took place in the lead up to the Iraq war are to be re-enacted word for word in the exact order that they were said, by puppets Sooty and Sweep, the Chilcott inquiry says. Whilst the inquiry has come under attack from many who feel that the […]
UKIP councillors and MPs are said to be livid at a new supermarket in Essex which has today banned anyone English from shopping there. The superstore situated between Chelmsford and Basildon is ultimately set to become part of a non-English only complex which will include a leisure centre, restaurants and a foreigners only car park. […]
Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills Vince Cable has confirmed that Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg has his support at least until the end of the week when he returns from his trip to China. Speaking on the phone from China Mr Cable told us “I’m in China at the moment but I’ve […]
Drinkers in the beer garden at the Black Lion Pub in Hammersmith are said to be relieved and recovering at the news that the girl this afternoon shouting “Oh My God!” into her mobile phone loudly was actually overstating the importance of the situation she was discussing, to the extent that she may have in […]
Deputy Prime Minister and Leader of the Liberal Democrats Nick Clegg has confirmed this morning that whilst he will not be heeding calls to step down from either position, he would be willing to grow a patch of facial hair above the lip in order to revive the fortunes of the ailing party. The statement […]
Relationships between the Kremlin and Buckingham Palace have deteriorated further today after the Prince Charles is widely to believed to have passed comments seemingly accusing the Russian Premier of looking and acting like Arnold out of Different Strokes. The hapless monarch in waiting is said to have voiced his feelings at a recent visit to […]
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