David Cameron has promised to head a new inquiry into tax evasion, starting tomorrow or maybe the day after, at the latest in the next week or so.
Falklands naval exit nothing to do with starting war and winning election this time
April 3, 2016 by Leave a Comment
David Cameron has today assured critics that the recent naval exit from the Falklands has absolutely nothing to do with starting another war, winning it, winning the next General election as a result and subsequently ensuring British ownership of a plethora of natural resources before any Argentinians get their hands on it. Speaking on the […]
Trump would bomb Narnia
April 1, 2016 by 4 Comments
Donald Trump has said that he would not rule out bombing Narnia, should he succeed in becoming US president.
Javid “I can’t save the steel industry. I’m washing my hair.”
March 30, 2016 by 4 Comments
Business Secretary Sajid Javid has said that he will sadly be unable to promise nationalisation of the Port Talbot steel works in Wales, as he is too busy washing his hair.
“Europe not safe” says Trump from safety of country with highest gun deaths
March 28, 2016 by 1 Comment
Donald Trump has warned Americans to avoid travel to Europe and to stay put in the safety of a country that has more gun deaths than any other country in the western world.
Schools to become corporate owned conservative indoctrination camps
March 27, 2016 by 1 Comment
Many children will return to school after the Easter break to find their schools have been turned into Conservative party indoctrination camps, financed by corporations owned by hedge funds and run by some city type with the morals of a particularly cunty weasel. Education secretary Nicky Morgan said that the retraining and moral adjustment of […]
Bognor Regis to replace pebbles on beach with mini-chocolate eggs
March 24, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Bognor Regis is expecting a stampede of tourists this week-end following the council’s decision to replace the pebbles on its beach with mini-chocolate eggs.
Iain Duncan Smith resigns in protest against his own policies
March 18, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Iain Duncan Smith has resigned as Work and Pensions secretary citing his own policies as a step too far. “I wouldn’t want to be part of a Government that would let someone as unpleasant as me form policies. It’s a step too far my precious.” He explained. It’s thought that Mr Duncan Smith had revelled […]
Francis Bacon self-portrait vandalised by monkey with a sponge
March 18, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Sotheby’s have admitted they will be lucky to get any serious bids for a rare self-portrait by Francis Bacon after it appears to have been vandalised by some sort of demented monkey with a sponge, thus leaving it looking nothing like him. A spokesman for the prestigious auction house said “It’s all smudged. This is […]
Coca-Cola to include cocaine again
March 17, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Coca-Cola are to get round the sugar tax by replacing some of the sugar in its drinks with cocaine according to a statement released by the ultra-sugary drinks giant this morning.
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