Nigel Farage is very cross that Prime Minister Theresa May won’t adopt a points based immigration system. But what would Britain look like if Nigel were to award points to immigrants? Try this simple test to see if you would get in.
Government deny strangling kittens whilst media focus on the Olympics
August 16, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Prime Minister Theresa May has strenuously denied accusations that the cabinet have been strangling kittens whilst the media focus their attention on the Olympic games.
“Promise our wages won’t go up” British workers implore May
July 27, 2016 by 1 Comment
British workers have asked Prime Minister Theresa May for cast iron guarantees that their wages will carry on falling, and to ensure that they don’t have enough money to pay bills and get ideas above their station.
Red people should piss off back to their own country
July 20, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Britain is being overrun by bright red people with peely skin, who should piss off back to their own country, according to foreign secretary Boris Johnson.
New cabinet to meet at night
July 13, 2016 by 1 Comment
Theresa May’s new cabinet are to hold their meetings in the middle of the night, when most of the British public are tucked up safe and sound, according to sources close to the new Prime Minister.
Theresa May “I’m the big change you all wanted”
July 11, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Prime Minister in waiting Theresa May has congratulated the electorate for really sticking it to the man with the recent EU referendum with a warming message to the public. “I’m the fruit of your endeavours. I’m the big change you wanted.
Leadsom to bring back corporal punishment, ducking stools and blood letting
July 7, 2016 by 1 Comment
Conservative leadership hopeful Andrea Leadsom will bring back corporal punishment, blood letting and ducking tools should she obtain the job of Prime Minister.
Conservatives to choose between nearly as bad as Thatcher or slightly worse
July 5, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Swivel eyed loons at Conservative clubs throughout the country are preparing to choose a new despot, as the choice now appears to be between ‘nearly as mad as Thatcher’ and ‘quite a bit worse’.
Theresa May “Father Christmas to report illegal immigrants”
December 13, 2015 by 2 Comments
Father Christmas will be expected to report all persons suspected of not being from round here and not being in possession of the relevant papers, according to new Government legislation announced this morning. Home Secretary Theresa May said that anyone thinking they could just come over here and enjoy a pagan festival which was hijacked […]
Details of visitors to Conservative Party website to be stored for a year
November 4, 2015 by Leave a Comment
Police and security services will be able to see the names of all visitors to the conservative party website for 12 months before their guilty little secret can finally be rubbed from the records, according to legislation passed today by Home Secretary Theresa May. One worried internet user told us “It’s an appalling invasion of […]
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