Conservatives sign letter supporting themselves

conservatives letter

More than 100 conservatives have declared support for a conservative-led government in a letter published in the Daily Telegraph. The signatories who include conservatives and rich people who vote for or donate to the conservative party have come together to add themselves to a list in a Conservative newspaper. One conservative said “100 is a […]

Cameron “Labour will ban bacon”

cameron bacon

David Cameron has warned the electorate in no uncertain terms that a vote for Labour on May 7th will mean bacon sandwiches without any bacon in them, probably eggs and bacon without the bacon either, as Labour would most likely ban bacon the moment that they got into power. Speaking to Andrew Neil the Premier […]

Will i Am buys house in Cockfosters

Will i Am cockfosters

Former Black eyed peas front man and now chief chair spinner apart from Tom Jones on TV show ‘The voice’ has fuelled rumours that he is indeed setting down roots in Britain and buying a house in Cockfosters. Though contracts are yet to be exchanged Mr i Am is believed to have had an offer […]

The Queen “If Labour get in I’ll leave the country”

the queen

Her Majesty the Queen has said in no uncertain terms today that she will move abroad if Labour get into power following the forthcoming General Election in May. In a move that will only amplify the despair of the nation and Ed Miliband’s woes she has added her name to a list of potential ex-pats […]

Cameron pledges more resources to lying about NHS

Cameron NHS

A Conservative only Government will earmark extra funding to lying about the NHS according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking at the party’s spring forum Mr Cameron said “The NHS is very important to me and we want to keep it as a lovely memory. I for one am going to look back on it […]

Prince Charles’ letters reveal hatred of short people

prince charles letters

Many of Prince Charles’ letters to the Government reveal a deep routed hatred of short people it has emerged after a ruling passed today by the supreme court means that now anyone can actually read the letters as long as they do so respectfully and promise not to laugh. One letter to the then Prime […]

Avid Merrion withdraws Jeremy Clarkson character

jeremy Clarkson avid merrion

Avid Merrion has confirmed that he will be withdrawing his character of Jeremy Clarkson with immediate effect and will now stick to entertaining the nation with his less offensive characters such as the small bear that keeps showing his penis. In a situation not dissimilar from the termination of the Dapper Laughs character last year, […]

Britain First to defend Falklands

Britain First

Britain First are set to travel to the Falkland Islands to help defend against any threat from Argentina, according to Defence secretary Philip Hammond, who today unveiled a series of measures to bolster the British armed forces without spending any money. Speaking to a heaving press conference Mr Hammond said “They’ve got uniforms, they like […]

Salmond to be given Surrey

ed miliband snp

Alex salmond will be given Surrey as his own private kingdom to do with whatever he chooses should the SNP hold the balance of power in any future coalition with the Labour party. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show Mr Salmond explained that whilst he would still be campaigning for Scottish independence he would himself […]

Conservative candidate caught doing something pleasant

conservative candidate

A Conservative party candidate has been caught on camera openly admitting that none of us are any more important than the other no matter what our race, social class or political leanings, and rather than pursing wealth at all costs to the detriment of others we should in fact work together and ensure equality for […]

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