Shock as right wing bigot leaves established bigot party for more wobbly eyed lot

douglas carswell

The political landscape has once again been altered beyond recognition after news that right wing backbencher Douglas Carswell MP has decided to leave the established long standing right wing, low income intolerant, bigoty, borderline racist, Conservative party, and instead embrace the proper all out wobbly eyed mad as a box of frogs lot. In an […]

Northern Comedians sent to cheer up Islamic state

northern comedians

Britain is to send a crack team of 1970s northern comedians to Iraq and Syria in an attempt to cheer up members of extremist military organisation Islamic State as part of a series of  measures announced by the Government this morning. Speaking at a heaving press conference Foreign Secretary Philip Hammond said “They do seem […]

Salmond promises a free beaver to every Scotsman

beaver

Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond has built on his lead from yesterday’s shouty debate with Alistair Darling by guaranteeing a free beaver for every Scotsman the moment Scotland achieves independence. Speaking at yet another press conference Mr Salmond said “We’re sick of restrictions to public policy set by Westminster. We’ve done the maths and every […]

British public in shit bucket challenge frenzy

shit bucket challenge

The old adage of a butterfly flapping it’s wings can cause a tsunami the other side of the planet, or in this case a poonami as the much publicised new craze of shit bucket challenge has gone viral in recent weeks. Stories are coming in thick and fast from people are choosing not to avail […]

Reiki healers urged to help with ebola epidemic

reiki ebola

Prime Minister David Cameron has promised to help Britain’s best Reiki healers to fly over to West Africa to help with the Ebola virus outbreak. “We haven’t tried connecting sufferers with their inner wholeness. As far as we can work out the World Health Organisation has no strategy for tackling the virus through intangible energy […]

Duran Duran found still on boat singing Rio

Duran Duran Rio

Pop band Duran Duran have been found still sailing on a boat singing the song Rio, apparently unaware that it was no longer the 1980s. A spokesman for the production company that had made the original video told us that they would take full responsibility as no-one in the team had specifically told them to […]

Shock as cat passes GCSE Maths

cat

Portsmouth Grammar School are looking likely to increase their fees for the coming term having successfully tutored a 4 year old tabby cat through GCSE Maths. Known to class mates as Fiddles, the cat managed to break all records within feline academia by obtaining a grade C, despite not seeming fully engaged during the examination […]

Charles Bronson to join Celebrity Big Brother House

charles bronson

Channel 5 have confirmed today that the Celebrity Big Brother house will be getting a new house mate this week in the form of Britain’s most dangerous inmate Charles Bronson. A spokesman for the show’s production company Endemol explained  “It’s another twist in the saga. Everybody likes a bit of drama, and you don’t get […]

May “British people could emigrate to make more room for immigrants”

emigrate

Do you like icebergs? Cacti? Foreign languages?  Paté? Well emigrating may well be the answer according to a new Government think tank who are recommending a drive to lessen net immigration figures, by asking indigenous Brits to move out for a while to make a little more room. Home secretary Theresa May explained “We can’t stop […]

Panic as 42 foot high Julian Assange leaves Ecuadorian embassy

giant julian assange

British authorities are firmly pointing the finger of blame at the Ecuadorian Ambassador this morning after a colossal Julian Assange left the Ecuadorian embassy to begin a rampage across London. Between seven and eight times larger than the one who went in there two years ago, the Wiki-Leaks founder is believed to have been cynically […]

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