David Cameron seen leaving Jim Davidson’s house

david cameron jim davidson

David Cameron has reportedly been seen leaving Jim Davidson’s house sparking rumours that he may be wooing the support of the popular comedian. The support of the veteran comedian whose popularity means that he regularly fills provincial town halls and civic centres, holds such power amongst middle England that a thumbs up from him could […]

UKIP fury at plans to make St Paul’s cathedral half mosque

St Pauls half mosque

Nigel Farage has promised that a UKIP Government will reverse the recent decision to make St Paul’s cathedral half mosque, following plans that deem it to be a mosque 50% of the time and an Anglican church the other 50%. Speaking from outside St Pauls an angry Mr Farage said “It doesn’t look like a […]

Boris offers free drugs to all voters

boris free drugs

The General Election took an unexpected turn this morning when aspiring Conservative leader Boris Johnson told all floating voters that a vote for his party would mean free drugs. Speaking this morning on the Andrew Marr show where he was vying with Labour Leader Ed Miliband for the best vote winning policies Mr Johnson said […]

HSBC to move to country where it can do what the fuck it likes

hsbc

HSBC are considering moving to a different country where it can do whatever the fuck it likes, as opposed to being more regulated, having to pay more tax and exhibit evidence of some sort of social conscience. The move follows plans announced in the budget to increase the bank levy. A spokesman for the bank […]

Blue Peter viewers vote to name new royal baby “Motorbike”

blue peter

Blue Peter viewers have voted to name the  imminent new Royal baby ‘Motorbike’, as the results have come in from one of the most successful nationwide competitions ever run by the show. The show was previously facing tough scrutiny from regulators after a similar competition to name one of the show’s cats ended up in […]

Babylon Zoo come out in support of Lib Dems

babylon zoo

Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg has welcomed the party’s latest celebrity endorsement in the form of the bloke out of 1990s super band Babylon Zoo who has come out of apparent obscurity to swear his full allegiance. Speaking from the Lib Dem tour bus, the star told a packed crowd “I had a hit once, […]

Hopkins to be pneumatically inflated and used as boat

Hopkins

Katie Hopkins is to be pneumatically inflated and used as a boat in order to transport people on essential sea voyages according to sources close to the right wing shock monger. One source told us  “She just wants to do the right thing. She may come across via the media as a rather unpleasant person, […]

SNP have “Big plans for the home counties”

nicola sturgeon home counties

The SNP have “Big plans for the Home Counties” and are fully prepared to discuss non-Scottish things with non-Scottish people should they hold the balance of power following the General Election on May 7th. SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon told a press conference that should she find herself as Deputy Prime Minister she would immerse herself […]

Miliband to legalise kicking your boss up the arse

Ed Miliband kick bos up the arse

A Labour Government will put legislation into place to enable all workers to occasionally kick their boss up the arse without any risk of being fired or incurring criminal charges according to leader Ed Miliband. Speaking on the Marr show the shadow Prime Minister said “We still need to make difficult decisions in terms of […]

Greg Wallace run over by a cliché

greg wallace

Greg Wallace is reported to be critical but stable, having been run over by a cliché during today’s filming of Masterchef A source from the never-ending, swanky-nosh competition told us “It’s a dangerous job. He spouts this shit day in, day out knowing that at any point one of his nuggets of generic mediocrity could […]

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