The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
The tax disc which shows that motorists have paid vehicle excise duty is to be phased out and instead replaced with a giant wanger, Chancellor George Osborne has announced in his Autumn Statement. Originally devised 93 years ago, the system of showing that your vehicle is paid up by exhibiting an over sized cock was […]
George Osborne has today fended off accusations that he is incompetent and irresponsible as widespread criticism mounts that he is issuing an Autumn statement in Winter. Shadow Chancellor Eddie Balls told us “It’s ridiculous. Everybody knows that December is in Winter. If he can’t get that right then how can he be left in charge […]
A new Independent Scotland will operate as a musical according to SNP leader Alex Salmond’s white paper released today. Speaking to a packed Press Conference Mr Salmond explained “I have a vision of a new Scotland, singing and dancing together from first thing in the morning to just before bed time. Obviously I will be […]
Aspiring women Bishops are leaving the Church of England in their droves and moving to worship the Dark Lord Satan according to the latest figures released by the Office of National statistics this morning. It appears that despite the agreement of the Synod to reconsider the matter of women Bishops next year, many lady vicars […]
Former Cooperative bank chairman Paul Flowers has assured members of the public that should he end up in charge of a bank again he will take far less drugs and learn to do sums. “I think the best thing is to learn from your mistakes. I’ve lost my job as a priest, a local Government Labour […]
Road safety campaigners Brake have called today for a total ban on juggling whilst driving. The demand, supported by the Association of Chief Police officers, is accompanied by figures that show that the juggling of 3 or more objects may have a detrimental affect on driving ability and even increase stopping times. A spokesman for […]
The Prime Minister assured wealthy and influential dining guests that anyone affected by the austerity measures brought in by the Conservative led coalition is going to have to get used to it and issued them with the following message “I want you all to stay poor.” Speaking last night at the Lord Mayor’s Banquet at Guildhall […]
Drug dealers will be required by law to offer all their customers the best possible deal under new legislation announced today by David Cameron. Speaking at a Press conference this morning the Prime Minister explained “We’re sick and tired of hearing how one customer may be charged a certain tariff for a bag of weed […]
An interview panel including David Cameron, Simon Cowell, Bob Carolgees and Spit the Dog has been sent up to grill representatives from a number of countries to assess their suitability to replace Scotland in a ‘new, fitter and leaner United Kingdom’. Mr Cameron told us “We want to look at a future partner’s GDP, their […]
Iain Duncan Smith has this morning insisted that his Universal Credits project can and will work, on the proviso that all would be claimants keep their pants on and refrain from any form of sexual activity. The Work and Pensions Secretary, has pledged to personally monitor the sexual activities of those on benefits in order […]
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