The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Russia has confirmed that it will not be breaking with Olympic tradition and will be marking the end of the Winter Olympics at Sochi by using all the snow to make a giant gay snowman. Russian President Vlamir Putin explained that the snowman would be bigger that the 150 foot gay snowman built at the […]
England have proved themselves a force to be reckoned with this evening having destroyed middle aged celebrity gardener Monty Don with a final score of of 4-1 “I know I lost but I had a lovely time admiring such a well mown lawn so I don’t begrudge the victory. And you all looked so pleased. […]
The fate of the beautiful game over the coming week is hanging in the balance following a statement by Environment secretary Owen Paterson that badgers have been moving the goalposts. “The badgers moved the goalposts. We’re dealing with a wild animal, subject to the vagaries of the weather,disease and breeding patterns, that likes nothing more […]
A spokesman for Channel 4 has today asked that the John McCririck age discrimination issue be finally laid to rest as the veteran broadcaster is to continue working for Channel 4 where he will start his new position on Monday, as a horse. Sacked from his previous position of wearing a silly hat, hanging around […]
The British public are going to have to follow Andy Murray around 24 hours a day cheering him on through megaphones if he is to stand a chance of winning this years Wimbledon tournament according to former British number one Timmy Henman. “I’m very confident that he can win but only if everyone cheers him […]
David Beckham is to retire from football at the end of this season after an illustrious 20-year career, to follow his dream of getting absolutely munted on a cocktail of narcotics and attending all night raves. Reportedly ‘insanely jealous’ of ravers who get to stay up all night, whilst he has had to get an […]
In a move to end “non-competitive sports days” the Prime Minister today announced new measures to berate overweight pupils who come last in running races. Mr Cameron told News Toad this morning, “Under the labour government, nobody wanted to offend the fat kid who always comes last. Well we’re done with mollycoddling, and we’re going […]
News Toad 
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