Cameron “Nigeria has the wrong sort of corruption”

Nigeria needs to get it’s act together and start laundering money through entrenched state endorsed fiscal hypocrisy like Britain, if it wants to be taken seriously on the world stage, according to Prime Minister David Cameron.

Zac Goldsmith to read news for BBC

Former Mayoral hopeful Zac Goldsmith has today told of his delight at being offered the job of anchorman on BBC news.

Jovial Britain First see the funny side of having a Muslim mayor

A very jovial Britain First have said that despite their best efforts, the people of London have voted in a Muslim mayor and ultimately they can see the funny side of the whole situation.

Lenny Henry bookies’ favourite to be next James bond

Daily Mail readers are thought to be incensed following a story in the Mail that Lenny Henry is now the bookies favourite to be the next James Bond.

Sturgeon “We’ll keep having referendums until we win one”

Scotland will continue to have referendums indefinitely until one goes in favour of independence, at which point it will stop having them and draw a line under the whole affair according to Scotland’s First Minister Nicola Sturgeon.

Royal baby photos released by media thinking it’s the 1970s and anyone cares

Some photos of a perfectly normal baby on her first birthday are being widely publicised by the media today, due to a dark feudal lineage based on her ancestors seizing totalitarian power through a murderous rampage.

Daily Mail readers confused now Labour are racist

Daily Mail readers have this morning demanded clarity from their newspaper following claims that the labour party are in fact the party of racial intolerance. One outraged reader said “I’ve been reading the Mail every morning since the 1960s  and have dutifully followed my  instructions to blame all my life’s woes on the foreign looking […]

Jeremy Hunt to go on strike

Secretary of State for Health Jeremy Hunt is set to go on strike imminently having balloted himself earlier on today.

David Cameron’s cat 8th on Sunday Times rich list

Prime Minister David Cameron has refused to discuss the apparent wealth of his cat as publicised today in the Sunday Times rich list arguing that it is a private matter. Speaking this morning on the Marr show Mr Cameron said “Obviously I might have helped him open the accounts. He’s a cat. Does he pay […]

Stonehenge summer solstice party to end at midnight

Revellers celebrating the summer solstice at Stonehenge this year will be expected to vacate the site by midnight, in order to make it clean and presentable for paying visitors the following day, according to the latest diktat by English Heritage. A spokesman for the charity, who are entrusted with charging people for things they already […]