The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
George Osborne has told a packed audience that a cap on mortgage loan amounts is essential in order to stop poor people from buying houses. Speaking to lots of people who can afford houses and also very nice dinner jackets, the Chancellor explained “We don’t want low to moderate earners to struggle with mortgage payments […]
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has today outlined measures to streamline the Full English breakfast by removing sausages. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show Mr Osborne said “They’re quite unnecessary. In the eyes of the law, a Full English only has to contain eggs, bacon and one other item. After years of breakfast mismanagement […]
Old people throughout Britain are already starting to piss their pension pots up the wall following Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne’s announcement that they no longer have to buy an annuity with their pension pots and are well within their rights to blow it in one night. One pensioner we spoke to told us […]
People who’ll never earn £150,000 a year have today vented their anger at Shadow Chancellor Eddie Balls who confirmed again today that a Labour Government would raise income tax to 50% for those earning over £150,000 per year. One protester told us “I don’t earn very much now but if I ever do I don’t […]
A re-elected non coalition Conservative Government will lick all the food in the food banks before any poor people can eat it, the Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has confirmed today . “Our first thought was to actually eat all the food in the food banks but on closer inspection they didn’t seem to […]
The tax disc which shows that motorists have paid vehicle excise duty is to be phased out and instead replaced with a giant wanger, Chancellor George Osborne has announced in his Autumn Statement. Originally devised 93 years ago, the system of showing that your vehicle is paid up by exhibiting an over sized cock was […]
George Osborne has today fended off accusations that he is incompetent and irresponsible as widespread criticism mounts that he is issuing an Autumn statement in Winter. Shadow Chancellor Eddie Balls told us “It’s ridiculous. Everybody knows that December is in Winter. If he can’t get that right then how can he be left in charge […]
David Cameron has told grass roots conservative supporters that he has listened to their views and is now prepared to act on them. From now on, he told party members this morning, there would be no more hard nosed fiscal policies given with a straight face under the vague guise of compassion, and it would […]
Government legislation to charge 5p for plastic bags is set to start a stampede of consumer madness this morning according to shopping experts. One shopper we spoke to was just finishing an excited morning of bag procurement when we spoke to him.”They’re an absolute bargain. I can buy 20 of these polythene bad boys and […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has declared war on himself and advised that all other Conservative Party members do the same. Speaking at a press conference this morning the beleaguered Premier explained “We want a war. Labour did it. And we’re supposed to be the war party. And if Parliament won’t allow us to invade anywhere else […]
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