The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
George Osborne has told a packed audience that a cap on mortgage loan amounts is essential in order to stop poor people from buying houses. Speaking to lots of people who can afford houses and also very nice dinner jackets, the Chancellor explained “We don’t want low to moderate earners to struggle with mortgage payments […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has this morning revealed that he actually worships a number of different Gods depending on who he is talking to, what policies he is trying to implement and what mood he is in at the time. Under fire for previously categorising Britain as a solely Christian country, the Premier told us: […]
Formerly left wing journalist Owen Jones has confirmed that he will be accepting a full time position with the Daily Mail and has adopted right wing knee jerk political leanings in accordance with their standard policy. Mr Jones has said he will be looking forward to “exposing the nanny state” and battling against “political correctness […]
Immigrants are going to have to learn cockney rhyming slang, if they want to be considered either for benefits, employment or whatever misinformed middle England are more concerned about at the time, according to Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show, the spoon faced politician explained “All we’re saying […]
A re-elected non coalition Conservative Government will lick all the food in the food banks before any poor people can eat it, the Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has confirmed today . “Our first thought was to actually eat all the food in the food banks but on closer inspection they didn’t seem to […]
People from the Newcastle area are going to have to adopt a Southern English dialect or risk losing benefits according to Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith. “I’ve had another epiphany. I was busy imposing tough new language tests for migrants and then I realised that half the country don’t speak English properly. Mainly […]
Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith has hit back at critics who claim that he couldn’t run a piss up in a brewery with the clear response “I could. I could run a piss-up in a brewery.” “It’s just a clear, simple and concise system. Rather than make the beer in the brewery and […]
An interview panel including David Cameron, Simon Cowell, Bob Carolgees and Spit the Dog has been sent up to grill representatives from a number of countries to assess their suitability to replace Scotland in a ‘new, fitter and leaner United Kingdom’. Mr Cameron told us “We want to look at a future partner’s GDP, their […]
Iain Duncan Smith has this morning insisted that his Universal Credits project can and will work, on the proviso that all would be claimants keep their pants on and refrain from any form of sexual activity. The Work and Pensions Secretary, has pledged to personally monitor the sexual activities of those on benefits in order […]
Edinburgh Zoo has today become the focus for world wide condemnation on the news that yet another panda has exhibited loose morals and managed to get themselves up the duff. An editorial in the Daily Mail has explained “They dress provocatively and they only get themselves pregnant in order to get a larger enclosure in […]
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