The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
George Osborne has confirmed today that he will be passing a law banning any future Governments not being Conservative. Speaking ahead of his annual Mansion House speech on Wednesday, George Osborne outlined his plans to ensure future governments “act like a bit of a git” even when there is no evidence based reason for doing […]
Former Smiths front man Morrissey is said to be unavailable for comment following revelations that his LA mansion actually hides a private theme park dedicated to all forms of processed meat. Former Smiths bandmate Johnny Marr told us “Publicly he’s been a vegetarian for many years. Privately he loves a Big Mac or a chopped […]
Juan Caunetto (38) experienced a drama that all men secretly dread whilst walking briskly to catch a tube train from Baker Street station in London. Just before entering the station he checked his flies only to find out that not only were they open but his own knob was hanging out for all to see. […]
Members of the 1970s band Boney M have been told that they will face a travel ban on any future trips to Russia should they be planning such a thing according to information released this morning. The band are reportedly on a list of almost a hundred public figures all banned from Russia which includes […]
People caught smiling, laughing, dancing or exhibiting a cheerful persona are to be arrested on suspicion of use of legal highs as part of the Government’s ‘arrest everyone for everything except alcohol and tobacco’ drive. Prime Minister David Cameron warned anyone of a lower social stature but a suspiciously sunny disposition to expect the full […]
The Queen has urged all subjects to have a proper binge on legal highs before they are made illegal in her speech today. Speaking on the first day of parliament her majesty said “My Government will ban anything that looks like a drug, sounds like a drug or smells like a drug with the obvious […]
Ashers bakery in Northern Ireland has been ordered by a judge to make a cake shaped like an enormous todger as part of a compensation package for its homophobic practices under the guise of religion. The firm which offers ‘exclusively heterosexual and God fearing patisserie’ was found to have discriminated against a couple who may […]
David Cameron has today asked Nicola Sturgeon to “calm down dear” and not to get her knickers in a twist following demands for more fiscal powers for Scotland made by the SNP at a meeting held today. According to sources present the Premier who earlier told reporters that he was off on a hot date […]
Prince Charles wrote repeatedly to the then Secretary of state for Health Patricia Hewitt demanding that conventional healthcare on the NHS be replaced immediately with didgeridoo therapy according to a series of private letters that have now been released into the public domain. An excerpt from one such correspondence in 2005 read “Dear Patricia, It’s […]
Nigel Farage has promised that a UKIP Government will reverse the recent decision to make St Paul’s cathedral half mosque, following plans that deem it to be a mosque 50% of the time and an Anglican church the other 50%. Speaking from outside St Pauls an angry Mr Farage said “It doesn’t look like a […]
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