The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
The British Broadcasting Corporation have been forced to apologise this morning to disgruntled pensioner Edna Onions who has complained that the entire cast of every programme, drama or news item has resorted to mumbling, leaving it impossible to decipher a single word that is being said. “I think it’s disgraceful. People on television used to […]
Singer Jennifer Lopez has assured human rights activists and concerned members of the public that she plans to entertain oppressive regimes far less frequently, and intends to keep private concerts for military dictatorships down to a minimum. The recent Birthday concert for President Gurbanguly Berdymukhammedov of Turkmenistan who is presently ranked 6 in the Sunday […]
Residents of Birmingham and the surrounding provinces have been awarded a Government grant for a new accent as part of a new initiative announced today by Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne. Speaking at a this morning’s press conference Mr Osborne told us “We all know that times are hard but we need a high […]
The entire population of Africa are set to get together and build a giant Bono by way of thanks for the singer speaking on their behalf, according to singer Bono who was speaking at the G8 summit today on behalf of the people of Africa. The speech in which the singer also announced the launch […]
Anyone expecting to arrive at Glastonbury festival with a big bag of drugs and the intention of selling them to revelers are going to have to have a license according to an announcement today from organisers. Throughout the duration of the festival anyone caught dealing without a license will be given 24 hours to apply […]
The pub trade was today lamenting the end of the 2013 series of Britains Got Talent as husbands, boyfriends and male platonic live in friends throughout the country returned home from the pub this morning . Motorists faced delays of several hours as many city centres were closed today due to the staggering hoards of […]
Aging skin flick actor Ron Jeremy is widely tipped to be replacing Matt Smith as the new Doctor Who according to BBC sources. Doctor Who writer Steven Moffat spoke of his excitement at the change of direction for the show. “The new Doctor realises that having had many platonic relationships with a number of glamorous […]
The Rolling Stones have denied that money is a factor as they perform Glastonbury’s first supplementary payment gig on a pay per word basis. Stones frontman and lip contortionist Micky Jagger told us “We’re sick of people thinking they can just pay £240 and hear all the music for free. Similarly how dare people pay […]
Dr Brian May former string twanger with pop group Queen, astronomer and now badger farm owner has revealed to the public that he is increasingly unhappy about a number of things. “I’m not happy about a number of things” he explained. Several TV Doctors were unavailable for comment but we did manage to speak […]
The list of veteran TV presenters in trouble with the law grew even longer today as weather guru and role model for millions, Michael Fish was accused of siphoning off the most favourable weather for his own personal use, according to a Guardian exposé today. The controversial climatalogical soothsayer has allegedly been photographed sitting under […]
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