“Yes we are controlled by secret lizard people” admits May

David Icke is right and MPs are under the direct control of lizard people, Prime Minister Theresa May has admitted today.

Britain to pull out of drinking in moderation

Britain is to opt out of the EU policy of moderate drinking at meal times in favour of the traditional British policy of getting as drunk as a monkey on an empty stomach on a Friday night.

Jerry Springer to host UKIP leadership debate

Jerry Springer has confirmed that he will be hosting a live television debate between UKIP leadership candidates Suzanne Evans and Paul Nuttall.

Brexiters’ fury as one of asylum seeking children actually a bear

Brexiters and Ukipers have voiced their indignation that one of the handful of child asylum seekers let into Britain might actually be a bear.

Britain secures trade deal with Liechtenstein

Boris Johnson has secured a victory for Brexit Britain having reportedly brokered a trade deal with the country of Liechtenstein.

Government to escape to private island following Brexit

Theresa May’s Government are planning to escape to a privately owned tropical island following a hard Brexit according to Conservative party insiders.

BREXIT joy as pound worth same as Britain in 1972

UKIP members and leave voters have been popping corks this evening following news that the value of the pound reached the same as it was in 1972, just before Britain joined the EU.

Marauding clowns just leaderless UKIP members

The recent spell of marauding clowns throughout the UK is comprised of UKIP members who have had their referendum, lost their leader and now don’t know what to do, according to former leader Nigel Farage. “They’ve had their vote, they’ve worked out that all their problems are going to be there whether we’re in Europe […]

Amber Rudd “British loo paper for British arses”

British people are to wipe their British arses with British loo paper after using British toilets, according to new legislation outlined today by Home Secretary Amber Rudd.

Hammond “We’re going to keep shafting the poor without paying off the deficit”

Chancellor of the Exchequer Philip Hammond has vowed to carry on shafting disadvantaged people but without using the deficit as an excuse in what is seen as a turn of direction for the Government.