The Labour party is to expel all its members before they can vote in the forthcoming leadership election and choose the wrong leader, according to a senior party source today.
George Osborne’s dominatrix given knighthood
August 1, 2016 by Leave a Comment
George Osborne’s regular dominatrix has been awarded a knighthood today for services to pleasuring over privileged former public school boys with a piece of birch.
“Promise our wages won’t go up” British workers implore May
July 27, 2016 by 1 Comment
British workers have asked Prime Minister Theresa May for cast iron guarantees that their wages will carry on falling, and to ensure that they don’t have enough money to pay bills and get ideas above their station.
“Someone should have warned us about a recession” say Brexiters
July 22, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Furious Brexiters are criticising economists and credit agencies today for not warning them that stepping out of the largest free market in the world would somehow cause a clusterfuck of a recession.
Red people should piss off back to their own country
July 20, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Britain is being overrun by bright red people with peely skin, who should piss off back to their own country, according to foreign secretary Boris Johnson.
Surrey residents prepare to vote in labour leadership elections
July 18, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Much of the population of Surrey are preparing to vote in the labour leadership elections following revelations that there is a £25 charge to keep the riff raff out.
Leadsom “Male zoo keepers will just try to shag the animals”
July 16, 2016 by 1 Comment
Zoos should only employ female zoo keepers, as the male ones would only try to shag the animals, according to former Prime Ministerial candidate Andrea Leadsom. “I’m only saying what we all know. Would you leave a man in charge of your zebra? Not if you don’t want him to be up to his nuts […]
“No cure for Hunt” warn Doctors
July 14, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Modern medicine as we know it has been infected by a severe case of Jeremy Fucking Hunt which is proving resistant to all known treatments Doctors have warned today.
New cabinet to meet at night
July 13, 2016 by 1 Comment
Theresa May’s new cabinet are to hold their meetings in the middle of the night, when most of the British public are tucked up safe and sound, according to sources close to the new Prime Minister.
Theresa May “I’m the big change you all wanted”
July 11, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Prime Minister in waiting Theresa May has congratulated the electorate for really sticking it to the man with the recent EU referendum with a warming message to the public. “I’m the fruit of your endeavours. I’m the big change you wanted.
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