The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Members of the public concerned about any possible link between former Prime Minister Edward Heath and any alleged child abuse scandal have had their minds set to rest today as all witnesses concerned have now confirmed that none of it happened and everything is in fact all right. One former witness who had promised to […]
Prolific hipster Anjem Choudary has appeared at Westminster Magistrates Court today in what is expected to be a long awaited crackdown on hipsters and hipster-like activity. The arrest of Mr Choudary and some of his hipster associates is thought to have coincided with a video showing him telling his audience to shun supermarket breakfast cereals […]
Disabled people throughout Britain have told of their immense pride and honour at being able to pay for the loss making Government sell-off of the Royal Bank of Scotland through cuts to their benefits. People with disabilities throughout the UK are thought to be descending on the houses of parliament en masse to thank the […]
Landlords will be directly responsible for recently much maligned clown houses according to new legislation announced today by Prime Minister David Cameron. The legislation stipulates that Landlords must assess all their tenants for clown type tendencies and Mr Cameron warned that repeat offenders would risk prosecution and even imprisonment. Whilst no-one wants to live next […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has promised to build a moat between Dover and Calais in an attempt to stop illegal immigrants and asylum seekers literally walking over the border. Speaking to a heaving press conference the Prime Minister said “The situation in Calais is not acceptable and it is absolutely this government’s priority to deal […]
America is to up its game in it’s war against wild animals in Africa and launch a series of air strikes according to a statement from the White House issued this morning. “We’ve had to rely on brave men and women who go out and shoot these animals, armed only with jeeps, high powered assault […]
MPs are to face tough new targets to reduce their use of drugs and prostitutes by 40% according to Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne. Speaking to Andrew Neil on the television Mr Osborne said that the Government would be taking these targets seriously and would fully expect use of both to slow down slightly […]
Career politicians throughout the Labour Party have come together en masse to say “Ooh no! Don’t shift left. Think about us and our important careers. What if we don’t get elected? What if we do get elected and have to promise to feed everyone or something? This nonsense has to stop.” Former Leadership favourite until […]
Acting Labour Leader Harriet Harman has promised that despite a minor rebellion from do-gooders, Labour will now concentrate on taking a monumental shit on all poor people, albeit compassionately and fairly. Speaking to a heaving press conference the hapless interim said “We must listen to the voters and defecate on poor people from a great […]
Her Majesty the Queen has gone on record today to reassure the public that pictures of her and the late Queen Mother performing nazi salutes were in fact merely the family hailing a bus. “Obviously on special occasions we would travel in an ornate horse drawn carriage with a big gold knob on the top […]
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