The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Lord Mayor of London Ms Fiona Woolf has vowed to leave not a stone unturned in her pretence of uncovering historical sexual abuse in MPs many of whom she knows socially. “Let me be absolutely clear. The fact that I’ve always worked inside the square mile, am Lord Mayor of London, former president of […]
Electrical retail giant Currys have confirmed that as of tomorrow it will be selling a hand held device that can detect horse meat in processed foods and take-aways by merely pointing it at the foodstuff in question. Originally meant only for use by the Government’s new food crime unit, the battery powered instrument will be […]
Education Secretary Nicky Morgan has dismissed claims that the Government is planning to oblige Secondary schools to arrange pupils in height order, so each pupil can be taught in an environment where their classmates are roughly the same size. “Do I look like Michael Gove in a dress? We’re not changing anything. Nothing at all. […]
Police officers will be expected to top up their wages with bribes for ‘drawing a blind eye’, according to Home Secretary Theresa May, as the Government announce plans to reduce the starting salary of a Police Constable by 20%. Speaking at press conference this morning, the Home Secretary told us “On a recent trip to […]
Rapper Cee Lo Green has made a heartfelt plea to fans, non fans and the public in general to cease and desist from the recent craze of shoving inanimate objects up his arse. The rapper best known for singing ‘crazy’ made the announcement via twitter, facebook and telepathy from his room in a private hospital where […]
Scientists have this morning confirmed that the most recent outbreak of conservatism may soon be under control. Dr Bertram Onions of GlaxoSmithKline told us that initial trials on members of parliament had proved promising and the drug was now ready to be administered to all MPs exhibiting symptoms of the debilitating condition. “We know sooner […]
The official end of summer this week has been hailed by convertible drivers throughout the country as it now means they can so something else at weekends other than endlessly drive their cars up and down the seafront. One driver told us that for him the move to autumn couldn’t have come sooner. “It’s shit. […]
British people who have second homes in France may have to just stay there, according to new legislation announced today by the Government. In a move that is seen by some as pandering to potential UKIP voters, those who own second homes in France are to be targeted for their reputation for coming back into […]
A covert attack on Britain from terrorist cell Islamic State is likely to involve the use of 1970s Space Hoppers, according to intelligence sources. “Space Hoppers are such an intrinsic part of British culture that an entire army of jihadists could bounce into a city centre without people raising so much as an eye […]
The political landscape has once again been altered beyond recognition after news that right wing backbencher Douglas Carswell MP has decided to leave the established long standing right wing, low income intolerant, bigoty, borderline racist, Conservative party, and instead embrace the proper all out wobbly eyed mad as a box of frogs lot. In an […]
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