The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Old people must be sent down mines and not allowed up again unless they have dug up something of value in new legislation suggested this morning by Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne. Speaking this morning on the Andrew Marr show, the wealthy career politician explained “We can’t just have these people working all their lives […]
MPs are taking monetary payments in order to break wind in parliament on request from lobbyists according to new information released this morning. The practice has come to light after undercover reporters from TVs Panoranorama posed as lobbyists representing a group of businesses with interests in anal emissions. Conservative MP Mr Patrick Mercer was approached […]
Britain will not give EU immigrants any more benefits unless they are prepared to ride around on the back of a lion, Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith has warned, after Brussels launched legal action to get him to relax the rules. As part of a new chapter in ‘Compassionate Conservatism’, the Government is […]
Plans to legalise same-sex marriage in England and Wales return to the Commons later, amid continuing opposition from some Conservative activists and MPs who have argued that the proposed legislation is ‘flawed, unconservative and divisive’ and more importantly will awake the Kraken. The Marriage Bill was approved by a 225-vote majority when it was last […]
Conservative Party Co-chairman Lord Feldman has said he feels ‘great relief’ today as the majority of grassroots party members have confirmed “He’s absolutely right you know. We are mad, swivel-eyed loons”. Speaking at a hastily assembled press conference Lord Feldman admitted that at one point he thought he may have gone a bit far and […]
David Cameron has assured the public that he will be more racist in the future as he makes plans to win back the votes of people who like to blame things on foreigners. “Obviously I made a mistake in calling UKIP members fruitcakes and closet racists, as it’s given them load of votes. So I’d […]
In a week that has seen David Cameron not only accidentally invited to a meeting to choose his successor but actually nominated to take over from himself as Party Leader, moves are apparently afoot amongst grass roots conservatives to get rid of David Cameron’s replacement as soon as he or she replaces David Cameron. One […]
The Labour party have come out as odds on favourites in the event of a fist fight with the Conservatives, according to recently published data from the Office for National Statistics. A spokesman told us “It’s all very well them standing in parliament arguing about methods of fiscal deficit reduction, but sooner or later it’s […]
As a result of today’s cross party agreement, Hugh Grant has confirmed that he will be accepting the position of ‘King of the Newspapers” and as of today all news stories must be submitted to him for approval and editing. The new role is thought to run concurrently with his present position of playing Hugh […]
David Cameron has been secretly wining and dining the producers of hit TV sports show ‘One man and his dog’ in a bid to round up stray grass roots tories who are determined to have their own opinions on things, according to an unnamed source. “He’s infuriated with trying to come across as a man […]
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