The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
United Kingdom Indenial Party chief Nigel Fararage has been advised by aides that he must avoid going back to Scotland at all costs or risk being burnt to death in a giant wicker man along with a variety of livestock. Already herded into a pub for safe keeping in Edinburgh whilst the finishing touches were […]
David Beckham is to retire from football at the end of this season after an illustrious 20-year career, to follow his dream of getting absolutely munted on a cocktail of narcotics and attending all night raves. Reportedly ‘insanely jealous’ of ravers who get to stay up all night, whilst he has had to get an […]
David Cameron has today joined other politicians in expressing condemnation at recent revelations that not only have the oil industry been fixing prices, but also allegedly making oil and petrol out of squashed animals. “Look, I don’t think anyone can honestly say they haven’t trodden on a dog or a rabbit at some point in […]
The list of veteran TV presenters in trouble with the law grew even longer today as weather guru and role model for millions, Michael Fish was accused of siphoning off the most favourable weather for his own personal use, according to a Guardian exposé today. The controversial climatalogical soothsayer has allegedly been photographed sitting under […]
David Cameron has reportedly flown to Washington to ‘tell’ on his senior ministers who have tried to speed up a referendum to pull out of Europe behind his back. Education Secretary Michael Gove has apparently received a text from the Prime Minister saying “You wait, I’m telling on you. Then you’ll be sorry” before David […]
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has said he is “absolutely delighted” at news that a new Jizz flick is set to be made in the UK rather than the other side of the pond. Speaking at a meeting of the G7 group of industrialised nations, Mr Osborne said the decision to make the film here was […]
Scientists have issued a stark warning today that the planet is continuing to rise in temperature and the only way to stop it is by everyone leaving their fridges open. The move comes as Daily CO2 readings at a US government agency lab have counted 400 parts per million for the first time. CO2 molecules are […]
Abu Qatada has surprised his critics today by agreeing to leave Britain on his own accord. He has however stipulated that Home Secretary Theresa May must come with him. In a statement read out by his solicitor this morning the hairy Lothario explained his decision. “The art of being a good guest is knowing when […]
The showbiz world has been shocked to the core today at breaking news that veteran entertainer Tom O’Connor hasn’t been arrested, charged or suspected of any misdemeanors sexual or otherwise. Mr O’Connor, best known for presenting game shows such as Crosswits, The Zodiac Game and Name That Tune was unavailable for comment this afternoon as he was not […]
The British public have today backed Dame Helen Mirren as she has called for smug drumming troupes to finally piss off and bang their stupid drums somewhere else. Speaking at a press conference, Dame Helen told us “I’m basically the Queen these days as people prefer me to the other one. But with that comes […]
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