The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Prime Minister David Cameron has announced that he will personally give every member of the public a free bicycle under a new Government initiative unveiled today. Speaking at a press conference this morning Mr Cameron said the new funding would provide a “Cycling revolution like the one they had in china.” “Bicycles are great.” he […]
Old people should try and keep their drinking down to around the 8 pint a night mark or risk health difficulties when they’re even older, according to research published this morning. Dr Graeme Wilson, from Newcastle University’s Institute of Health and Society, said: “These people are made from tough stuff, they hail from an age […]
The proportion of adults who tell Policemen that they use illegal drugs has fallen to its lowest level since records began, according to the latest crime survey for England and Wales. The report states that drug use is now at it’s lowest since 1996, a notoriously well behaved year when absolutely no one took drugs […]
His Royal Highness Prince Charles has today urged the public to ignore scientifically proven cures for illnesses and instead rely on sugar pills soaked with water, that may have been in the same jug as some water that may have touched an ingredient which is not proven in anyway to cure the affliction in question. […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has applauded the efforts of anti smoking groups over the last 50 years and asked them to join him in his new venture ‘Lets get Britain smoking again’. In an apparent change of direction that is absolutely in no way connected to any of his advisers being on the pay roll […]
British scientists have hailed the arrival of a new diet that if followed correctly has a 100% success rate for losing weight and could completely eradicate the UK’s obesity crisis. Dubbed the “Eat less, Poo more” diet as it involves a combination of eating less food and passing more stools, it is already popular […]
Home Secretary Theresa May has today opposed the advice of her own drugs advisers to announce that the plant Khat, which people chew and wakes you up a bit like coffee, is to be made illegal. Defending her decision, she told us “It’s not like coffee. It’s drugs. Despite what our drugs advisers may be […]
I have a confession to make. About 20 years ago at a minor music festival my mate Dave and I decided to see if we could earn a bit of extra cash by performing “Didgeridoo therapy”. We would find potential punters with names like “Roman Hawkmoon”, lie them down and ask them to imagine they […]
Motorists will have to punish themselves by removing points from their own licenses and inserting cash fines into honesty boxes under the new offence of ‘driving like a cunt’. Road Safety Minister Stephen Hammond said: “Cunty drivers are a menace and their negligence puts innocent people’s lives at risk. However we’ve sacked half the traffic […]
Scientists have issued a stark warning today that the planet is continuing to rise in temperature and the only way to stop it is by everyone leaving their fridges open. The move comes as Daily CO2 readings at a US government agency lab have counted 400 parts per million for the first time. CO2 molecules are […]
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