The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
The United Kingdom Independence party are set to go back to basics and perform a Black and White Minstrel show in an attempt to win back lost supporters according to BBC insiders. UKIP leader and sometime multi-race crooner Nigel Farararage told us “If we look back to the 1970s, there was only one foreigner in […]
People of Kingston in Surrey are tonight beginning the laborious process of tucking into the largest ‘Fatberg’ in recent history after local authorities have decided that they caused it so should be made to eat it. A spokesman for Kingston Council told us “It’s their own fault. We keep telling our residents not to empty […]
In a surprise change of direction this morning the foreign office have changed their advice for travelers to “Fuck it. Life’s too short. Let’s all go on holiday to Yemen.” Speaking at a press conference this morning Foreign Secretary William Hague Well explained “We recently asked people to stay away from the place but then […]
Prince Philip will be seen in public for the first time in two months when he visits the Royal Society of Edinburgh on 12 August, a visit he reportedly intends to conduct bouncing up and down on a space hopper according to Royal sources. “He’s made it quite clear that at 92 if he is […]
Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government Eric Pickles has made a heart felt plea to the British public to desist from the recent trend of attempting to park their cars up his arse. One motorist who had just recently removed his Citroen Berlingo from Mr Pickles’ sphincter told us “It’s difficult to know […]
Unofficial election results from Zimbabwe today indicate that Robert Mugabe has yet again secured the country’s presidency, as well as winning X-Factor, Zimbabwe’s Got Talent and landing himself a nice rib of beef in his local pub’s weekly meat raffle. Though official results are yet to be published it appears that they will also confirm […]
All private investigators will be required to work with a signature theme tune in the background according to new legislation announced this morning by Home Secretary Theresa May. “We’ve had a number of complaints of Private Investigators to being up to all sorts. So it’s quite clear they need to have a theme tune playing […]
The Spanish Government has today expressed ‘anger and disappointment’ at plans to resculpt the famous Rock of Gibraltar into a giant penis. Speaking at a press conference this morning a Government spokesman argued “It is bad enough that you will be able to see this giant phallic monstrosity from 80 miles away. But the fact […]
The British public are reportedly up in arms this morning as several days after the Royal baby’s arrival it doesn’t appear to be doing very much. One disgruntled member of the public told us “Once again we bring these descendants of tyrannical despots into a life of unbridled luxury at the tax payers expense and […]
The proportion of adults who tell Policemen that they use illegal drugs has fallen to its lowest level since records began, according to the latest crime survey for England and Wales. The report states that drug use is now at it’s lowest since 1996, a notoriously well behaved year when absolutely no one took drugs […]
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