House of Lords to go on strike

Members of the House of Lords have warned in no uncertain terms that they will go on strike unless their payment of £300 a day for turning up at the Houses of Parliament is increased. Millionaire conservative donor Lord Farmer said “No-one wants to go on strike but how can anyone survive on £1500 a […]

Boris offers free drugs to all voters

The General Election took an unexpected turn this morning when aspiring Conservative leader Boris Johnson told all floating voters that a vote for his party would mean free drugs. Speaking this morning on the Andrew Marr show where he was vying with Labour Leader Ed Miliband for the best vote winning policies Mr Johnson said […]

Cameron “Young people should learn to live on their trust funds”

Young people should become less reliant on benefits and learn to live on their trust funds according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking at the Conservative party conference the premier explained “We need to stop the cycle of young people leaving school and claiming benefits when they could merely tap into their trust funds like […]

Conservatives to stick to being posh white blokes

The Conservative Party are to stick to being led by posh white blokes with  just the merest smattering of upper middle class totty for a bit of window dressing and of course to make the tea, as part of new moves announced today. Speaking on this morning’s Andrew Marr show prime Minister David Cameron explained […]

Londoners cope with tube strike by way of cockney sing song

Commuters in London are all said to be upbeat today having coped with the first day of a two day tube strike by having a proper cockney sing song to lift their spirits. The strike is in protest at measures announced by London Mayor Boris Johnson dispensing with the process where in order to commence […]

Tube strike in jeopardy as drunk commuters vow to drive trains themselves

The first of two 48-hour strikes on the Tube is already being branded a failure as many passengers ruminating on the day’s events in the pub, have vowed that in absence of a driver tomorrow, they will step up and drive the trains themselves. This latest movement for commuter led direct action appears to be […]

Boris Johnson asked to stop moving into number 10

Boris Johnson has been asked by David Cameron to stop moving his belongings into number 10  and at least wait until a leadership contest according to Government sources. It’s thought that ever since he was turned away from Downing street 6 months ago after arriving with several removal lorries, he has been attempting to move […]

Robert Mugabe to advise George Osborne on economy

Robert Mugabe is to be flown into Britain to offer advice on fiscal policy as part of emergency Government measures, it was revealed today. Having recently brought inflation in his country from a figure of millions down to a mere several thousand per cent and being renowned for his no nonsense policies of bulldozing the […]

David Cameron “We must hunt down and berate fat kids who are rubbish at sports”

In a move to end “non-competitive sports days” the Prime Minister today announced new measures to berate overweight pupils who come last in running races. Mr Cameron told News Toad this morning, “Under the labour government, nobody wanted to offend the fat kid who always comes last. Well we’re done with mollycoddling, and we’re going […]