The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Prison populations are said to be at ‘bursting point’ following David Cameron’s decision to allow over 70s on juries which has unexpectedly resulted in everyone being found guilty. Defendants in crown court have been told to expect long sentences on the grounds that “They all do don’t they, they’ve never had to do national service and […]
The Government has today responded to public dissatisfaction with rail increases with a clear message. “Don’t worry about tickets, you can just bunk the train.” Speaking at this morning’s press conference Transport Secretary Patrick McLoughlin, who sets the rules on fares, said “I know I’ve given the OK for higher ticket prices but now it’s all […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has announced that he will personally give every member of the public a free bicycle under a new Government initiative unveiled today. Speaking at a press conference this morning Mr Cameron said the new funding would provide a “Cycling revolution like the one they had in china.” “Bicycles are great.” he […]
Senior Shadow cabinet members are said to be highly disappointed at yesterdays decision by Ed Miliband to completely stop speaking, both privately and publicly. A close family source said “It started over Sunday lunch when he refused to confirm or deny whether he would like another roast potato. Since then he has answered the phone […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has applauded the efforts of anti smoking groups over the last 50 years and asked them to join him in his new venture ‘Lets get Britain smoking again’. In an apparent change of direction that is absolutely in no way connected to any of his advisers being on the pay roll […]
MPs will soon be earning enough to be able to have a wank in a big pile of cash according to a new report announced today by the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority. In a move that will prove popular with proponents of unequal distribution of public funds and vigorous masturbation alike, a spokesman for the […]
Power stations will be fuelled by harnessing the wrath of local communities who want to be able to use copious amounts of electricity without actually setting eyes on a wind farm or any other form of power generation. New Government legislation has encouraged local people to protest in the most vocal terms about wind farms […]
Boris Johnson has been asked by David Cameron to stop moving his belongings into number 10 and at least wait until a leadership contest according to Government sources. It’s thought that ever since he was turned away from Downing street 6 months ago after arriving with several removal lorries, he has been attempting to move […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has said the coalition will continue ‘right up until polling day’ in 2015 and has issued a stark message to party dissenters and the British public alike “You’ll have to winkle us out with a shitty stick.” “We’ve had some disagreements within the the coalition and even within the party but […]
Following the news that Google have paid virtually no tax in Britain due to knowing a bloke in Ireland, the Prime Minister David Cameron and Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne have also announced that something or other may well change in the near future, possibly with regards to corporate tax law. The subject is […]
News Toad 
You must be logged in to post a comment.