The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Much of the worlds population have put their differences aside today to plead for the release of teenage crooner Justin Bieber who is facing charges of abusing policemen, taking drugs and driving like a cunt. Protests throughout the western world ranged from a mass “go to bed for 8 hours followed by breakfast” to an […]
Pope Francis has heralded a much needed change in direction today as a senior Italian cleric has been charged with merely laundering millions through the Vatican bank, as opposed to instigating or attempting to cover up any sort of sexual assault. Monsignor Nunzio Scarano, who is already on trial and under house arrest on separate charges of plotting […]
Danny Alexander is likely to be the only remaining member of The Liberal Democratic Party by 2015 according to a leading political think tank entrusted to predict who exactly is going to be left in the Liberal Democratic party by 2015. In a statement released this morning, the think tank argues “We have reason to […]
Noel Edmonds is said to be in hiding today as the news that there actually isn’t any sort of system for winning his hit game show Deal or No Deal has gone viral. One previous contestant told us his shock at finding his whole ordeal of appearing on prime time television was in fact a […]
Russian President Vladimir Putin has said homosexuals will be welcome in Sochi for the Winter Olympics but warned them against spreading “gay propaganda” by sledging, skiing or snowboarding in a gay way. Speaking to a team of volunteers this morning the premier explained “We respect the right of four gay men to climb into a […]
Bankers’ bonuses are to be paid in cheese according to Prime Minister David Cameron in a surprise U turn regarding the running of the state owned bank RBS. “Legally we can only make RBS do it, but we would urge other city based banks and financial institutions to do the same if they want to […]
The British public are tired of hearing about 1970s television personalities being questioned for historic misdemeanours and have called for them to branch out into different crimes according to new figures released today. The news comes as crowds packed the courtroom gallery today to watch TV’s Ken Barlow being accused of some things. One spectator […]
Britain stands on the precipice of an obesity crisis according to leading scientists who have bizarrely cited ‘food’ as the main reason. The claims have encountered controversy as it challenges the belief that you can eat as much food as you like as long as you buy it from Waitrose or Selfridges food hall. One […]
Immigrants are going to have to learn cockney rhyming slang, if they want to be considered either for benefits, employment or whatever misinformed middle England are more concerned about at the time, according to Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show, the spoon faced politician explained “All we’re saying […]
Britain’s Doctors have gone on record this morning to say “Fuck it. Eat sugar.” Former Richard and Judy TV Doctor and now vaguely medical product endorser Dr Chris Steele told us “It’s not the new smoking, unless you smoke it. Nice people have it in labelled jars next to their tea and coffee. “It’s true […]
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