The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Mayans have warned the Earth’s entire population that if they want to avoid certain destruction as a result of the end of the world then they should act fast to purchase their special ‘End of the world proof underpants’. President of the Bromley branch of the British Mayans association Dave Smith told us “It’s a […]
By all accounts it’s less Scotland and more Sardineland, as the the shock results of the 2011 census have revealed that there is no longer a single square foot of Scottish land that doesn’t have a Scotsman standing on it. Anyone visiting Scotland and hoping to view lochs, mountains and heather will now sadly be […]
Hospitals around the UK have been closing wards to visitors in the hope of preventing the spread of an incredibly unpleasant virus known as the Flooby-Doobies. Jeremy Hunt the Health Secretary has said that the 972% daily rise in cases of the affliction, which causes highly irrational shopping habits, was unexplained. He has also warned […]
British society as a whole is going to have to start taking a great deal more drugs on far more frequent occasions if we are going to win the war on drugs, according to a statement released this morning by the Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg. “The war on drugs” he argued “is being lost […]
World leaders have today been united in their resentment of Kim Jong-Un’s birthday treat from his government, a Unha-3 rocket, launched at 09:49 local time (00:49 GMT), which appears to have followed its planned trajectory, whilst dropping all manner of shit in expected areas. In a televised statement issued by the Korean central News Agency, […]
In another surprise U turn the government have agreed to lift the ban on gay marriage but have also pledged to prevent the Church of England from not banning it. Several pressure groups have today lobbied parliament either for the ban or against the ban though it is not clear whether they are for or […]
The Duchess of Cambridge has confirmed the recent baby news from the BBC as a false alarm as it has turned out to be a ‘difficult poo’. In a statement this afternoon, the Duchess told us “I was convinced that I was pregnant, but on the other hand I hadn’t dropped the kids off at […]
In a move to end “non-competitive sports days” the Prime Minister today announced new measures to berate overweight pupils who come last in running races. Mr Cameron told News Toad this morning, “Under the labour government, nobody wanted to offend the fat kid who always comes last. Well we’re done with mollycoddling, and we’re going […]
Homeopaths the length and breadth of Britain are to protest against conventional medicine today by mass consumption of prescription drugs. A spokesman from the Society of homeopaths told us ” Just because a drug is scientifically proven to work in double blind trials, it doesn’t mean it actually does. And we plan to show Doctors […]
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