The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
David Cameron has been declared ‘fit for work’ and may lose his £142,500 per annum benefits according to disability denying random benefit allocators Atos. The decision may come as a blow for one of Britain’s highest paid benefit claimants who may struggle to match his income through conventional employment. An insider told us “Look, he’s […]
Unhealthy foods that appeal to children should have a minimum level of swearing on the packaging to discourage parents from buying them for their children, according to Shadow Health Secretary Andy Burnham. Labour will today propose new legal limits on levels of fat, sugar and salt that can be present in childrens food, before covering […]
Gay Bishops will be required to preach their sermons whilst bouncing up and down on space hoppers in another shift in their policy on homosexuality in the clergy. After talks between the outgoing Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams and his replacement the Rt Rev Justin Welby it has been decided that there is no […]
Alternative medical practitioners around the world were toasting the success of a British Consultant alternative healer who has successfully completed the worlds first aura transplant. In an 8 hour operation that required the assistance of homeopaths, reiki healers, spiritual physicians and hopi ear candle therapists, Dr Ben ‘Shakras’ Goldcacre succeeded in surgically fitting an entire […]
The BBC has been thrown into turmoil once again after the arrest of Jim Davidson for sexual offences which has regrettably halted filming of a new series of Jim’ll Fix It. BBC Director General Tony Hall is reportedly furious and under no illusion that he must find a new Jim by the end of the […]
Poor people will be required to sit on podiums, dive through hoops and perform other assorted tricks in order to receive benefit cheques which they will then catch in their mouths, according to Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith. Mr Duncan Smith, it is believed, ‘had an epiphany’ after taking himself on a publicly […]
French President Francois Hollande has announced this morning that in a new wave of austerity measures a limit of 24 inches or 60 centimetres on the size of a baguette will be imposed as of next week. “In France” Mr Hollande explained “social stratification is determined entirely on the length of your baguette. Someone on […]
Former Prime Minister and now Baroness Margaret Thatcher enjoyed a ‘very close’ relationship with moustache sporting Bongo film icon Ron Jeremy according to numerous previously secret correspondence. The letters have been released to the National Archive in Kew, South West London and show an unusually symbiotic relationship as the Porn King demanded public endorsement for […]
Once again the Christmas season has surprised many who thought the hunting ban would mean an end to Boxing Day and New Years Day hunts. Strangely throughout the country people in red jackets have been spotted in large groups with horses and dogs, seemingly with the intention of hunting a fox. But in fact all […]
The National Rifle Association has surprised critics and some supporters alike today on their announcement that America would be a much safer place if every household kept a pet lion. Wayne LaPierre, chief executive of the NRA told us “Lions don’t kill people. The wrong people left in charge of lions kill people. Well their […]
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