The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
David Cameron has told the European Union “Give us a better deal or I’ll release the monkey people” leaving many shocked at the surprisingly short speech that had been awaited for months and postponed several times. The speech has sparked debate throughout the media as well as throughout Europe as to what Mr Cameron actually […]
Prince Harry has voiced his distaste of the media, to the media, in the hope that they will tell other people in the media, in a press conference in Afghanistan organised by the Prince himself. Posing for photos this morning, the ginger Royal expressed his dislike of press conferences and having his photo taken. “It’s […]
The BBC has once again been the target of numerous complaints following a spate of childrens’ television programmes starring characters who look similar to disgraced disc jockey Jimmy Saville. Director general Tony Hall has admitted that things could have been handled better. “We always have a skim through the days listings just to make sure […]
Men, women, children and animals have been advised to only leave their homes if ‘absolutely essential’ as the number of road kill deaths from the ‘Google street car’ has reached ‘epidemic proportions’. The alleged cause of this sudden rise in mortality is that Google drivers are expected to drive, film, complete paperwork and access porn […]
Tesco have told their critics today that they’re not sorry about sneaking horse meat into their products and they plan to roll out more horse to a variety of new products over the coming years. In a statement this morning Chief Executive Philip Clarke announced “Haha! You all ate horse! That’ll serve you right for […]
Households throughout the country have had to unexpectedly cancel their day in the pub, as the lack of snow this morning has left many with little choice but to go into work. The Right Reverend Justin Welby the soon to be Archbishop of Canterbury has told the nation that people only have their blasphemous selves […]
The new flat rate state pension has been formulated with the sole objective of keeping old people out of restaurants, according to leaked e-mails between Prime Minister David Cameron and Secretary of State for Work and Pensions Iain Duncan Smith. As part of a controversial plan to ‘hide the over 60s’ the correspondence details plans […]
Hotel chain Premier Inn have today distanced themselves from 1980s comedian Lenny Henry on the discovery that much of the public appear to be under the impression that he works for them. A spokesman for the hotel chain told us “We’d like to clarify that Mr Henry has never been asked to appear in any […]
Prison inmates have pleaded for greater security as the imminent closure of many Victorian style prisons has caused a Buy to let frenzy amongst middle class investors. Many prisoners have reported break ins in their cells and being woken up at night by smug looking city types with tape measures, more often than not applying […]
Alex Jones, creator of the ‘Deport Piers Morgan’ petition, has told Piers Morgan that he and his supporters would only give up their gun ownership in return for special spider powers. “I don’t care about your little factoids” he told Mr Morgan on his CNN show when being confronted with gun death statistics “The Roman […]
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