The Labour party is to expel all its members before they can vote in the forthcoming leadership election and choose the wrong leader, according to a senior party source today.
Modern medicine to blame as non-vaccinated people catch measles at festivals
August 8, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Pharmaceutical companies and so-called Doctors have been asked to account for the fact that people have been catching measles at festivals despite being at one with the earth and never having been vaccinated.
George Osborne’s dominatrix given knighthood
August 1, 2016 by Leave a Comment
George Osborne’s regular dominatrix has been awarded a knighthood today for services to pleasuring over privileged former public school boys with a piece of birch.
Bloke having crisis on Facebook found enjoying himself in pub
July 27, 2016 by Leave a Comment
A man having an apparent crisis on Facebook has been found safe and sound, not upset at all and enjoying a pint in his local.
“Promise our wages won’t go up” British workers implore May
July 27, 2016 by 1 Comment
British workers have asked Prime Minister Theresa May for cast iron guarantees that their wages will carry on falling, and to ensure that they don’t have enough money to pay bills and get ideas above their station.
“Someone should have warned us about a recession” say Brexiters
July 22, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Furious Brexiters are criticising economists and credit agencies today for not warning them that stepping out of the largest free market in the world would somehow cause a clusterfuck of a recession.
Red people should piss off back to their own country
July 20, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Britain is being overrun by bright red people with peely skin, who should piss off back to their own country, according to foreign secretary Boris Johnson.
Surrey residents prepare to vote in labour leadership elections
July 18, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Much of the population of Surrey are preparing to vote in the labour leadership elections following revelations that there is a £25 charge to keep the riff raff out.
Leadsom “Male zoo keepers will just try to shag the animals”
July 16, 2016 by 1 Comment
Zoos should only employ female zoo keepers, as the male ones would only try to shag the animals, according to former Prime Ministerial candidate Andrea Leadsom. “I’m only saying what we all know. Would you leave a man in charge of your zebra? Not if you don’t want him to be up to his nuts […]
“No cure for Hunt” warn Doctors
July 14, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Modern medicine as we know it has been infected by a severe case of Jeremy Fucking Hunt which is proving resistant to all known treatments Doctors have warned today.
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