The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Home Secretary Theresa May has today opposed the advice of her own drugs advisers to announce that the plant Khat, which people chew and wakes you up a bit like coffee, is to be made illegal. Defending her decision, she told us “It’s not like coffee. It’s drugs. Despite what our drugs advisers may be […]
Singer Jennifer Lopez has assured human rights activists and concerned members of the public that she plans to entertain oppressive regimes far less frequently, and intends to keep private concerts for military dictatorships down to a minimum. The recent Birthday concert for President Gurbanguly Berdymukhammedov of Turkmenistan who is presently ranked 6 in the Sunday […]
Residents of Birmingham and the surrounding provinces have been awarded a Government grant for a new accent as part of a new initiative announced today by Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne. Speaking at a this morning’s press conference Mr Osborne told us “We all know that times are hard but we need a high […]
Her Royal Highness Her majesty Elizabeth The Queen is apparently unavailable for comment today after the first 24 hours of “getting right on it” following yesterdays pay rise. In what was described by Royal sources as “serious result” in the form of a £2 million pay rise from the public purse, the Palace hosted one […]
The British public are going to have to follow Andy Murray around 24 hours a day cheering him on through megaphones if he is to stand a chance of winning this years Wimbledon tournament according to former British number one Timmy Henman. “I’m very confident that he can win but only if everyone cheers him […]
Iain Duncan Smith has announced this morning that sickness benefit will only be available for 1970s illnesses in part of further changes to the benefits system. “There was none of this long term sickness in the 1970s” he explained to a press conference, “people merely went to bed for a few days with a box […]
Old people must be sent down mines and not allowed up again unless they have dug up something of value in new legislation suggested this morning by Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne. Speaking this morning on the Andrew Marr show, the wealthy career politician explained “We can’t just have these people working all their lives […]
In a move that has prompted political analysts to suggest that he may well be losing the plot, the Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has been accused of attempting to use chocolate money to ease the deficit. Governor of the Bank of England Sir Mervyn King told NewsToad “We couldn’t believe it! The Chancellor […]
The Metropolitan Police has been in the spotlight again as it transpires the notorious ‘Animal but not fish protection league’ which terrorised companies involved in the cooking, experimenting on and taking the piss out of animals but not fish, was in fact made up entirely of undercover police officers. The undercover operation, the cost of […]
United Kingdom Independence Party leader Nigel Fararage assured supporters and well wishers today that he is very much alive and in good health, if a little shaken, after a terrible accident where he reportedly tripped over and fell into a tax avoidance scheme. Speaking from his bed at a private hospital the jingoistic politician and […]
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