Trump to just build half a wall

Donald Trump will most likely build just half a wall on the US Mexico border instead of a whole one according to sources close to the President elect.

Putin outlines Trump’s induction week

Russian Premier Vladimir Putin has sent Donald Trump his firm offer of the job in the White House and outlined the itinerary for his induction week.

“Next time we’ll elect someone even worse” promise US voters

US voters have promised that they will vote in someone even worse at the 2020 presidential elections if Donald Trump’s reforms fail to make America great again. “He oughta be alright. He’s racist, misogynistic and he mocks people with disabilities. And he thinks everyone should be armed to the teeth. So that should bring world […]

“Yes we are controlled by secret lizard people” admits May

David Icke is right and MPs are under the direct control of lizard people, Prime Minister Theresa May has admitted today.

Britain to pull out of drinking in moderation

Britain is to opt out of the EU policy of moderate drinking at meal times in favour of the traditional British policy of getting as drunk as a monkey on an empty stomach on a Friday night.

Waitress “unable” to exchange tomato for extra sausage on full English

The Equality and Human Rights Commission has reported one of the worst cases of Disability discrimination following the sad tale of a waitress with afflictions so severe that she was unable to exchange tomato for an extra sausage on the menu of a full English breakfast.

Captain Cook to fuck off back to his own country as Australia bans immigration by boat

Captain Cook, all his descendants and anyone who looks a bit like him will have to fuck off back to their own country following a landmark ruling today to ban all immigrants who attempt to enter the country by boat.

Daily Mail readers’ anger at plans for black Milky Bar Kid

Daily Mail readers have threatened to boycott Nestlé products following reports that the next Milky Bar Kid is thought to be black.

Jerry Springer to host UKIP leadership debate

Jerry Springer has confirmed that he will be hosting a live television debate between UKIP leadership candidates Suzanne Evans and Paul Nuttall.

Brexiters’ fury as one of asylum seeking children actually a bear

Brexiters and Ukipers have voiced their indignation that one of the handful of child asylum seekers let into Britain might actually be a bear.