The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
The ‘Brexit’ campaign has gained momentum this morning following the news that it has a staunch supporter and campaigner in Her Majesty the Queen. In a rare statement to the press, her Majesty said “People are coming over here just for the benefits. They think we’re a soft touch and they’re probably right. For example […]
An unemployed white man with dreadlocks is still banging on about chemtrails, emboldened by the lack of evidence for them. Tarquin Moonbeam of Amersham, Buckinghamshire, came into the spotlight having broken two world records. One for talking about the same thing constantly for nigh on 20 years and the other for making a single pint […]
The Pope should stick to being a Muslim and stop criticising megalomaniac gun toting Christians, according to goose stepping presidential hopeful Donald Trump. Responding to the Pope’s argument that building a huge wall between USA and Mexico might be divisive and even unchristian, Mr Trump said he was not prepared to have his religion criticised […]
David Cameron has convinced other European countries to start driving on the left, as part of a new deal in the EU that includes other member states having eggs and bacon for breakfast and speaking English amongst themselves. Beaming proudly, a victorious Mr Cameron said “We want Britain to stay in the EU as a […]
The Republican party are today appealing for new presidential hopefuls following an incident earlier where all existing candidates shot each other. Front-runner Donald Trump repeatedly tangled with Texas Senator Ted Cruz and former Florida Governor Jeb Bush in a series of tense exchanges before all three began firing at each other, sporadically ducking behind their […]
British adventurer Ranulph Fiennes has announced today that he intends to prove that advancing years are no handicap by climbing the Bristol Stool Chart unassisted. Mr Fiennes full name (Sir Ranulph Twisleton-Wykeham-Fiennes, 3rd Baronet, OBE) will climb to the very top of the chart whilst simultaneously performing the relevant bowel movements at each stage. The […]
Health Secretary Jeremy fucking Hunt is enjoying a well deserved week-end off after a tough week imposing non-evidence based legislation on an already over stretched medical profession. The Monday to Friday stint included part of a long battle to win the hearts and minds of the medical profession by completely ignoring them, a tactic which […]
The entire Catholic church is set to be put on the sex offenders register following today’s announcement from the Vatican that it’s Bishops no longer have to report cases of sexual abuse. A spokesman for the Uber rich, sexually repressed, God bothering cult said it would still be spreading its message of piety but under […]
Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has extended his most heartfelt gratitude to acupuncturists who stepped up to the mark to stick pins in patients affected by today’s Junior Doctors’ strike. Speaking from outside St Mary’s hospital Paddington Mr Hunt said “We’ve been short of Doctors today, but luckily if you stick pins in people it’s better […]
Suggestions of any relationship between Jeremy Corbyn and David Cameron’s mother have been dismissed by all sides today as nothing but rumours and tittle tattle. One parliamentary source told us “They may both be making a stand against the Conservative Government’s vicious cuts, but anyone saying that they are even just good friends, let alone […]
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