The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
A spokesman for the Association of High Street Retailers has apologised after manufacturing difficulties and unforeseen shipping issues meant that the last ill thought out shitty gift idea box set, that no-one would ever buy with sound mind and nobody would ever want to receive, was sold after a scuffle at Debenhams in Shitterton early […]
Secretary of State for Health Jeremy Hunt has this morning announced the opening of new free hospitals staffed by unqualified doctors and nurses in order to maximise round the clock care for patients. “You’ve got a choice of waiting months for an operation by a so called qualified surgeon or you can be operated on […]
People from the Newcastle area are going to have to adopt a Southern English dialect or risk losing benefits according to Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith. “I’ve had another epiphany. I was busy imposing tough new language tests for migrants and then I realised that half the country don’t speak English properly. Mainly […]
In a surprise turnaround from the Australian High Court this morning, the new legislation banning gay marriage and annulling recent gay marriages is to be reversed again under a number of strict conditions. The law will now allow marriage between two men in the Australian Capital territory as long as one of them looks like a […]
A brainwashed couple have won the right to be married by a cult at their main head quarters following a ruling from the supreme court today. Grinning in a scary fashion with huge huge eyes the Bride to be Louisa Hodkin told a packed press conference “It’s been a long drawn out case, but at last […]
Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith has hit back at critics who claim that he couldn’t run a piss up in a brewery with the clear response “I could. I could run a piss-up in a brewery.” “It’s just a clear, simple and concise system. Rather than make the beer in the brewery and […]
MPs have issued a cross party statement that whilst they will not be refusing to take their £7000 a year pay rise, they will be demonstrating their displeasure by refusing to enjoy it. David Cameron explained “Look, times are obviously very difficult for many people. So instead of awarding ourselves a huge pay rise, we […]
People not going on holiday throughout the UK have been celebrating the welcome news that due to unprecedented flight delays, people who are going on holiday aren’t going on holiday either. Many non holiday makers have been celebrating in airport bars in order to see people not being able to go on holiday first hand. […]
The tax disc which shows that motorists have paid vehicle excise duty is to be phased out and instead replaced with a giant wanger, Chancellor George Osborne has announced in his Autumn Statement. Originally devised 93 years ago, the system of showing that your vehicle is paid up by exhibiting an over sized cock was […]
Clever people on the telly are predicting an unprecedentedly busy Cyber-Monday as people shun work, study and going to the toilet in favour of buying as much useless shit as possible on the world wide web, in order to celebrate God’s birthday later in the month. Thanks to increasingly sophisticated technology and methods of performing […]
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