Miliband and Cameron refuse to rule out coalition with each other

David Cameron and Ed Miliband have refused to rule out a coalition with each other should the smaller parties start getting too many seats and therefore want to be involved in Government. A spokesman for both parties said “It should be quite straight forward. We’ll do some things we want to do and some things […]

Cameron pledges more resources to lying about NHS

A Conservative only Government will earmark extra funding to lying about the NHS according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking at the party’s spring forum Mr Cameron said “The NHS is very important to me and we want to keep it as a lovely memory. I for one am going to look back on it […]

Cameron warns “Wealthy Tory donors will take their tax evasion elsewhere”

Wealthy Tory donors and other assorted friends of the Prime Minister will take their tax evasion elsewhere and fail to contribute to the public coffers in a completely different country unless left alone to do whatever they like, David Cameron has warned today. Speaking at a packed press conference an incensed Mr Cameron said that […]

Britain furious at not being bugged by America

Downing Street have today summoned the American Ambassador following revelations that neither David Cameron, his cabinet or the majority of the British public have been bugged by America. The shocking realisation that in the scheme of things Britain might not be very important on the world stage is said to have hit David Cameron hard. Speaking at […]

Cameron teaches Clegg to say “sausages”

Months of speculation as to the exact nature of Prime Minister David Cameron’s private meetings with Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg, came to an end today as it transpired that Mr Cameron has been teaching Mr Clegg to say ‘Sausages’. A conservative party insider told us “Our plans to ridicule the Lib Dems have backfired […]

David Cameron brings imaginary friend to G20 meeting

David Cameron is reportedly set for a series of private meetings within G20 with another delegate that apparently no-one else can see and is known solely as Roland. One journalist covering the meeting in Moscow told us “It’s been a funny conference so far. Nobody seemed to want to talk to Mr Cameron but he […]

David Cameron to give everybody a free bicycle

Prime Minister David Cameron has announced that he will personally give every member of the public a free bicycle under a new Government initiative unveiled today.  Speaking at a press conference this morning Mr Cameron said the new funding would provide a “Cycling revolution like the one they had in china.” “Bicycles are great.” he […]

David Cameron “It’s time to start smoking again”

Prime Minister David Cameron has applauded the efforts of anti smoking groups over the last 50 years and asked them to join him in his new venture ‘Lets get Britain smoking again’. In an apparent change of direction that is absolutely in no way connected to any of his advisers being on the pay roll […]

Lord Carey “Persecute homosexuals or we’ll get God on you”

Lord Carey has this morning issued Prime Minister David Cameron with a stark warning “Start persecuting homosexuals again or we’ll set God on you”. Speaking at his annual pre-chocolate egg day address,  the Former Archbishop of Canterbury told us “God loves everyone. But he loves us more because we go to church and wear special […]

Government announce minimum price for cocaine

David Cameron has announced a minimum price on a bag of cocaine as part of tough new measures designed to keep class A drug use for birthdays, bank holidays and other special occasions. Speaking at a press conference the Premier told us “We’ve decided that people should be allowed to drink as much alcohol as […]