The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
ISIS Chief Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is said to be working on a new video after his first one released today has been almost universally panned by critics. Irish record producer and manager of bands such as Westlife and Boyzone, Louis Walsh, told us that the leader of the militant Islamist group would have work to […]
MPs are set to spend “a good day or two” overtly and theatrically pretending to look for the so far elusive abuse dossier that was on a desk and then it wasn’t, according to tough new mouth play from privileged product of the establishment and Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking with a very serious look […]
GP’s are going to have to practice Reiki healing in order to deal with a rapidly increasing workload, according to Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt. Speaking to an audience of healthcare professionals, Mr Hunt explained “Doctors are always complaining about having to see so many patients but that’s because they’re not thinking outside the box. They’re […]
The art world is said to be “vibrating with pretentiousness” today following the news that an undisclosed absolute idiot with a lot of money has bought Tracey Emin’s stupid bed for £2.2 million. One art critic told us that Tracey Emin’s stupid bed had turned the art world on its head. “It has turned the […]
Criminals throughout the country are reportedly owning up to their crimes and then committing more in order to ensure a custodial sentence where they will stand a good chance of being entertained for free by a plethora of music hall talent from the 1970s. One judge we spoke to told us “We’re getting through convictions […]
Britain has today been coming to terms with the fact that as of the week-end it is now illegal not to like Dolly Parton. After what has been named the biggest concert by anyone ever, (aside from North Korea’s Kim Jong Un fest where the entire country’s population come to see their great leader play […]
Prince Charles has today abdicated from his position as King-in-Waiting following revelations that he sought to influence Government decisions Speaking from outside Buckingham Palace and now known simply as Chas Windsor, the former royal explained “It’s the only decent thing to do really, I’ve overplayed my card and been caught trying to act out a […]
A spokesman for Piers Morgan has confirmed that despite the incarceration of journalist and political strategist Andy Coulson for conspiracy to intercept voice mails, the former Daily Mirror editor come celebrity is not at all shitting his pants. Our source told us “Far from it. His pants are most definitely squeaky clean. I can personally […]
Tesco have become the envy of Asda, Morrisons and Aldi as it has emerged that they are bankrolling the Boomtown Fair in Hampshire this year. Intended to provide a much needed injection of cool into the flagging supermarket giant and a much needed injection of chopped and shaped meat derivative products, such as twizzly chicken […]
European Commission President, Jean Claude Junker, will insist on Britain following the rest of Europe in driving on the right hand side of the road as a condition for any new deal brokered by David Cameron, according to EU sources. It is likely that the ruling will not become compulsory straight away, instead being enforced […]
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