Nick Clegg “A free beaver for every voter”

Deputy Prime Minister and Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg  has made an impassioned plea for the return of his lost supporters in time for the European and Local elections by offering a free beaver for every voter. Seen by some as a risky ploy which if not successful could be referred to in the future […]

Romanian family move into Nigel Farage’s arse

UKIP leader Nigel Farage is said to be incensed yet vindicated as the news broke this morning that overnight a Romanian family moved into his arse. Speaking on Andrew Neil’s political chat show ‘Afternoon Bollocks’ where he broke traditional chat show protocol by refusing to sit down, Mr Farage explained “I think they’re Romanian anyway. […]

David Cameron “UK will change it’s name to Scotland”

The United Kingdom will change it’s name to Scotland in the event of a win for the “yes to independence” vote, according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking from the other side of bullet proof glass and wearing flame retardant trousers, Mr Cameron told a packed Glasgow press conference “We’ll be calling England Scotland, Wales […]

BNP youth release cover of Pass the dutchie pon the left hand side

Teen heart throbs the BNP Youth are looking to capitalise on their new found fame by releasing a series of cover versions of British number one hit singles, starting with “Pass the dutchie pon the left hand side” by Musical Youth, a band with a very similar name. Looking very serious when they spoke to […]

Rolf Harris to paint his defence

Rolf Harris has today begun his defence against charges of indecent assault by way of puffing, panting and playing the wobble board whilst simultaneously painting a 24 foot high mural, an action that he says will prove him innocent of all charges. One juror told us of his surprise that instead of cross examining the […]

Gary Barlow in OBE giving back avoidance scheme

Former 1990s bland songsmith Gary Barlow has again been criticised today as evidence has emerged that he entered into an OBE giving back avoidance scheme, a scheme so complex that it managed to sidestep all OBE giving back laws and protocol, resulting in the scenario that he still has one. A parliamentary insider explained that […]

Top 100 UK billionaires “bound to share it out sooner or later”

Britain’s poorest families have today received a welcome boost to their spirits amidst benefit cuts and food banks at breaking point, as the new Sunday Times rich list published today shows that there’s actually enough money for everybody. Surely it has been argued, none of them would want to keep such an obscene amount of […]

Gary Barlow in dock for mis-selling Take That songs

A recent life time achievement award from the music industry has been sadly marred by revelations that Gary Barlow conspired to sell Take That songs to members of the public in a misleading fashion. Songs that they neither wanted nor needed. The right wing tax evading 1990s crooner was unavailable for comment today as charges […]

One Direction die in aeroplane crash

Fans throughout the western world are today looking for a new band to follow and get all excited about after rumours that the band One Direction may or may not have come to a sorry demise, if they had been on a plane and that plane had unfortunately crashed. One tearful fan told us “We […]

UKIP to prove “not racist” by painting Jim Davidson brown

UKIP leader Nigel Farage has said that he will instruct party activists to paint 1970s comedian and former generation game host Jim Davidson a shade of brown so he looks a bit foreign. Speaking to a heaving press conference this morning Mr Farage explained “It doesn’t seem to matter what we do, people still think […]