The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
A Labour government will tax all bad people and give every single person a job according to new measures announced today by shadow chancellor Ed Balls. “Nobody likes bad people so it’s only fair that they contribute to a state orchestrated facade of full employment. We’ll be asking the public to demonise various stereotypes on […]
Men who wear red trousers are rapidly increasing in numbers and infiltrating all levels of society according to reports released this week. BRTs as they are commonly known have historically inhabited seaside towns with a relatively low concentration of one per spare mile as due to their individualist nature they have tended to avoid their own […]
Radio 2 have announced today that they will be following radio one in refusing to play Robbie Williams on the basis that he is now middle aged and makes everybody else feel old. According to Chris Evans “Our target age group of over 35s are trying desperately to cling on to their lost youth but […]
The Daily Mail has had to hire extra temporary staff to deal with the huge amount of post containing letters of apology from members of the British public. It appears this morning that despite many warnings from the Daily Mail over several decades, Jesus Xavier Disraeli aged 34 from Bolivia, arrived in Britain unchecked, collected […]
Britain is preparing itself for almost 100% migration following the news that it does after all have poisonous spiders, the only reason that people live here as opposed to somewhere nice and hot. It’s thought that the influx of false widow spiders is so widespread that every house will have one somewhere and most people […]
A Labour Government will be directing it’s attentions to people who “look a bit flash and give the impression of being minted” according to leader Ed Miliband. In a policy that will be calculated on knee-jerk reactions to first impressions rather than actual income. It’s thought that a group of Daily Mail readers will be […]
The Government has today responded to public dissatisfaction with rail increases with a clear message. “Don’t worry about tickets, you can just bunk the train.” Speaking at this morning’s press conference Transport Secretary Patrick McLoughlin, who sets the rules on fares, said “I know I’ve given the OK for higher ticket prices but now it’s all […]
Senior Shadow cabinet members are said to be highly disappointed at yesterdays decision by Ed Miliband to completely stop speaking, both privately and publicly. A close family source said “It started over Sunday lunch when he refused to confirm or deny whether he would like another roast potato. Since then he has answered the phone […]
MPs will soon be earning enough to be able to have a wank in a big pile of cash according to a new report announced today by the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority. In a move that will prove popular with proponents of unequal distribution of public funds and vigorous masturbation alike, a spokesman for the […]
Ed Miliband has pledged today to finally end the practice of individuals having extra votes on Labour party matters simply due to coming from the Northern half of England. At present every Labour party member is entitled to one vote. However if he lives or comes from anywhere between Derby and Carlisle he will be […]
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