Poor people will be required to consult Phillip Schofield before spending any of their benefits according to new legislation passed today.
English Defence league to assist with English tuition for new immigrants
January 5, 2017 by Leave a Comment
The English Defence League is to offer free English tuition to all new immigrants in a new project designed to facilitate communication and ease racial tension.
UK ambassador to EU resigns as EU countries refuse to speak English
January 4, 2017 by Leave a Comment
The UK’s ambassador to the EU quit due to not understanding what anyone was talking about it has emerged today.
“Thanks Beardy! You’ve got me until 2025!” says May
January 3, 2017 by Leave a Comment
Theresa May has the best part of a decade to do whatever the fuck she likes unchallenged and unhindered thanks to the British public’s steadfast refusal to trust a man with a beard.
Trump to keep an open mind on gravity
January 2, 2017 by Leave a Comment
The Donald Trump administration will keep an open mind on the concept of gravity, following concerns from the President elect that Newton’s laws may just be misinformation most likely started off by the Chinese.
“Strikes show nearly as much contempt for the public as I do” says May
December 19, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Prime Minister Theresa May has voiced her secret admiration for the forthcoming strikes as she feels they treat the public with contempt, which is something she holds deep to her heart.
Dave Lee Travis working as Santa in John Lewis
December 16, 2016 by Leave a Comment
Former Radio One DJ Dave Lee Travis has put the blame firmly on the media today , following news that he is now forced to accept seasonal work as Santa Claus in the High Wycombe branch of John Lewis.
Fury as athletes on drugs should be running faster
December 9, 2016 by 1 Comment
Athletes on drugs should really be running at 40 mph and should be able to jump nearly as high as a house, according to a report by the International Olympic Committee.
McDonalds to pay corporation tax at £6.71 per hour
December 8, 2016 by Leave a Comment
McDonalds are to pay HMRC £6.71 an hour in corporation tax following their move to London from Luxembourg for tax purposes.
Immigrants disguising themselves as Elf on the Shelf
December 3, 2016 by 1 Comment
Many families hosting an Elf on the Shelf this Christmas may unwittingly be harbouring an illegal immigrant who left unattended would most likely take your job and convert your children to Islam according to UKIP leader Paul Nuttall.
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