The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
All disaffected youth are to be made to watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang as part of moves announced today by the Government to cut crime to levels to those found in 1960’s musicals. Justice Secretary Michael Gove said “We need to return to a golden age where Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Mary Poppins and The […]
The Scottish Parliament have refused to deny that they are building a wicker man for Donald Trump’s next visit to the British Isles. Some 60 foot high and erected on Mr Trump’s own golf course, it’s thought that the locals plan to lure the toupeed tycoon into it via some cock and bull story […]
Father Christmas will be expected to report all persons suspected of not being from round here and not being in possession of the relevant papers, according to new Government legislation announced this morning. Home Secretary Theresa May said that anyone thinking they could just come over here and enjoy a pagan festival which was hijacked […]
Black-cab drivers are to be forced to forget the knowledge and instead use either a sat-nav or just drive around in circles like a twat hoping to finally stumble on their destination, according to new legislation announced by the Government. David Cameron warned that climbing into a taxi whose driver had some sort of fucking […]
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has this morning ruled out any state assistance for northerners with fancy water houses which enjoy running water of up to 3 feet high through the downstairs rooms. “I’m all for a northern powerhouse but if they think we’re paying for their oop North surrogate Venice then they can […]
Former Prime Minister Tony Blair is reportedly having a wank in a big pile of bombs and fast approaching his vinegar strokes. Speaking from outside one of Mr Blair’s homes, where he is reportedly locked in the khasi along with a stash of missiles, a portable TV and a multi-pack of Andrex, a close confidante […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has made an impassioned plea to all MPs to think of year on year growth in the arms sector before voting for any options other than the indiscriminate bombing of Syria. Any move not involving blanket bombing the few remaining bits of Syria that have not already been bombed, he argued, […]
Britain is to bomb all countries that have venomous snakes in order to stop them biting people once and for all according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking to a a packed press conference outside a COBRA meeting the premier said “We’re only going to be bombing countries that have these dangerous serpents. It’s the […]
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has told an undercover reporter posing as a dominatrix that he has “been a very bad chancellor” and should be “given a proper going over with a leather thwacky thing” for his mismanagement of the economy and total reliance on cutting public services. In contradiction to his confident air […]
The Sun newspaper has devoted its front page this morning to the news that many moles are considering abandoning their life underground and looking to start a new life on the earth’s surface. In an abrupt editorial Editor Tony Gallagher said “If we let them up here we pave the way for ferrets, badgers and all […]
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