The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Former Co-operative Bank boss Paul Flowers has told critics that the Daily Mail’s recent video of him buying cocaine was part of a double disappointment to him as apparently it wasn’t even good stuff. “I wouldn’t have minded if I had spent the rest of the night bouncing about like the bastard love child of […]
The entire population of Sri Lanka have been spending the day running around an ever decreasing circle of chairs to music, having been forced to play musical chairs to celebrate Prince Charles’ birthday. In a lesser known condition of membership of the British Commonwealth, any hosting country is required to celebrate the birthday of any […]
The Prime Minister assured wealthy and influential dining guests that anyone affected by the austerity measures brought in by the Conservative led coalition is going to have to get used to it and issued them with the following message “I want you all to stay poor.” Speaking last night at the Lord Mayor’s Banquet at Guildhall […]
Speaking today on BBC Radio 4 in a candid interview disgraced cycling star Lance Armstrong has finally admitted that he is also Bez out of the Happy Mondays. One furious Happy Mondays fan told us “I went to see the Happy Mondays accompanied by Bez dancing about with eyes as big as saucers and then ten […]
Drug dealers will be required by law to offer all their customers the best possible deal under new legislation announced today by David Cameron. Speaking at a Press conference this morning the Prime Minister explained “We’re sick and tired of hearing how one customer may be charged a certain tariff for a bag of weed […]
An interview panel including David Cameron, Simon Cowell, Bob Carolgees and Spit the Dog has been sent up to grill representatives from a number of countries to assess their suitability to replace Scotland in a ‘new, fitter and leaner United Kingdom’. Mr Cameron told us “We want to look at a future partner’s GDP, their […]
Iain Duncan Smith has this morning insisted that his Universal Credits project can and will work, on the proviso that all would be claimants keep their pants on and refrain from any form of sexual activity. The Work and Pensions Secretary, has pledged to personally monitor the sexual activities of those on benefits in order […]
The Prime Minister is said to be in good spirits this evening having just come out of an operation at St Mary’s hospital to have a UK built warship removed from his arse. The type 45 destroyer, manned by a large proportion of the population of Portsmouth is said to have left the Naval city […]
The Daily Mail have today pleaded with recent immigrants to stop contributing so efficiently to society as it may leave their readers with no focus for their hatred, forcing them to examine the inanity and hypocrisy of their own shallow lives. It also may affect the future of the paper itself. A study by University […]
Tesco have answered critics of their new face scan technology and subsequent targeted advertising with the following explanation. “We’re just watching you buy our shit food.” The supermarket giant has come under fire today for it’s new face recognition technology which looks at your face and deep into your soul. It then uses sophisticated technology […]
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