Birmingham schools infiltrated by the Borg

Education Secretary Michael Gove has today called for a thorough investigation into the running of 25 Birmingham schools amidst widespread accusations that they are now being run by cybernetically enhanced humanoid drones of multiple species organized as an interconnected collective, the decisions of which are made by a hive mind linked by subspace radio.  Mr Gove says he is “extremely […]

Michael Gove performs NWA rap

The Conservative party have now cemented their reputation as the Gangsta rap party as pupils from six schools from across the country were yesterday given the opportunity to interview a very blinged up Secretary of State for Education and the Member of Parliament for Surrey Heath Michael Gove. As part of the highly publicised BBC […]

Gove “We’re going to sack all the birds and the lefties”

Education Secretary Michael Gove has confirmed today that the removal of Baroness Morgan as chair of the education inspectorate for England is just the beginning of a new policy of sacking anyone who votes Labour and isn’t a bloke. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show this morning, the Education Secretary assured voters that in future  all […]

Michael Gove condemns left wing weather

Education Secretary Michael Gove has publicly condemned the recent inclement weather spells which he has described as left wing and irresponsible. “If you look outside, it’s pissing it down again. And it’s quite clearly down to left wing academics, unions, public sector workers, professional bodies and anyone else who doesn’t vote for us. And the […]

Government announce new Free Hospitals with unqualified Doctors

Secretary of State for Health Jeremy Hunt has this morning announced the opening of new free hospitals staffed by unqualified doctors and nurses in order to maximise round the clock care for patients. “You’ve got a choice of waiting months for an operation by a so called qualified surgeon or you can be operated on […]

Free schools force pupils to worship Michael Gove

The government’s free schools programme is simply a front for creating religious dogma and forcing pupils to worship Michael Gove, according to campaigners. The National Secular Society said the growing influence of faith groups could undermine the integrity of Britain’s state schools, in particular when pupils are being taught that the world was created in […]

New Conservative policies to be accompanied by evil laughs

David Cameron has told grass roots conservative supporters that he has listened to their views and is now prepared to act on them. From now on, he told party members this morning, there would be no more hard nosed fiscal policies given with a straight face under the vague guise of compassion, and it would […]

Michael Gove’s “Top ten money saving tips”

Hi I’m Michael Gove and I’m terribly upset by accusations that I am out of touch when I merely said poor people should manage their finances better instead of using food banks. It’s my fault for not being more specific, so I’d like to explain some money saving tips that have always worked for me […]

“We are mad swivel eyed loons” confirm grassroots Tory Activists

Conservative Party Co-chairman Lord Feldman has said he feels  ‘great relief’  today as the majority of grassroots party members have confirmed  “He’s absolutely right you know. We are mad, swivel-eyed loons”. Speaking at a hastily assembled press conference Lord Feldman admitted that at one point he thought he may have gone a bit far and […]

David Cameron tells ministers “I’ll get Obama on you”

David Cameron has reportedly flown to Washington to ‘tell’ on his senior ministers who have tried to speed up a referendum to pull out of Europe behind his back. Education Secretary Michael Gove has apparently received a text from the Prime Minister saying “You wait, I’m telling on you. Then you’ll be sorry” before David […]