The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has this morning ruled out any state assistance for northerners with fancy water houses which enjoy running water of up to 3 feet high through the downstairs rooms. “I’m all for a northern powerhouse but if they think we’re paying for their oop North surrogate Venice then they can […]
Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has pleaded for the world to join hands and assist him in the creation of a peaceful loving world, brought about through overt racism and endemic firearm use. Known in the USA as Donald Trumpety-Trump, the toupeed statesman who inherited his fortune, said “If everyone can just look into their […]
Former Prime Minister Tony Blair is reportedly having a wank in a big pile of bombs and fast approaching his vinegar strokes. Speaking from outside one of Mr Blair’s homes, where he is reportedly locked in the khasi along with a stash of missiles, a portable TV and a multi-pack of Andrex, a close confidante […]
Cyclists don’t need lights on their bikes at night because they’re special a new report has concluded. A spokesman for the National Association of special cyclists said “In the 1970s and 80s it was all about having a big light on the front, one on the back, reflectors and high visibility jackets and armbands. “Get […]
Britain is to bomb all countries that have venomous snakes in order to stop them biting people once and for all according to Prime Minister David Cameron. Speaking to a a packed press conference outside a COBRA meeting the premier said “We’re only going to be bombing countries that have these dangerous serpents. It’s the […]
A spokesman for Lakeside shopping centre has confirmed that Sisters of Mercy will be playing live in the shopping centre throughout Black Friday in what will be one of their longest shows ever and free of charge to all bargain hunters. “It’s always manic in here on Black Friday, but with an ageing Andrew Eldritch […]
Jeremy Hunt has told today of his encouragement at the silent support of 2% of Junior Doctors who have said they won’t go on strike in protest against his reforms. Speaking to John Humphrys on the Today Programme Mr Hunt explained that Doctors were stupid and didn’t understand numbers. “However, for every 98 Doctors that […]
A racist bloke in an office is still going for it like a trooper, two full working days after the Paris shootings and showing no signs of giving it a rest, according to reports from workmates. Feeling sufficiently vindicated by recent events to continue wittering on indefinitely, Mr Daley Mayall, of ‘We sell any car’ […]
Britain is to continue naming increasingly lame storms until such time that someone has to think up a name every time there is just some weather. The news comes as Storm Barney approaches Britain’s East coast causing disruption to picnics and outdoor card games. The Met office have advised widespread school closures, once lessons have […]
The owner of a speciality ham shop in Oxfordshire has defended his recent decision to refuse to serve all Muslims until such time as they take responsibility for events instigated in a different country by people they had no connection to. Dave England, proprietor of “Out of Hams way” in Bicester village, said “I can’t […]
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