The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
The Queen has been urged to stop milking it with the incessant rounds of birthdays, official birthdays, jubilees and anniversaries of coronations according to an insider from the British public. “It’s just got stupid. I’m sure these things used to be once every ten years or so. But it’s got like X factor or Britain’s […]
Mr Eddie Balls, Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer and arguably number two in the ‘same shit different faces’ party has told a press conference that his pledge to stop winter fuel cash payments to old age pensioners once in power is in no way cruel or inhumane, as a new breed of old people will […]
Aging skin flick actor Ron Jeremy is widely tipped to be replacing Matt Smith as the new Doctor Who according to BBC sources. Doctor Who writer Steven Moffat spoke of his excitement at the change of direction for the show. “The new Doctor realises that having had many platonic relationships with a number of glamorous […]
MPs are taking monetary payments in order to break wind in parliament on request from lobbyists according to new information released this morning. The practice has come to light after undercover reporters from TVs Panoranorama posed as lobbyists representing a group of businesses with interests in anal emissions. Conservative MP Mr Patrick Mercer was approached […]
The Rolling Stones have denied that money is a factor as they perform Glastonbury’s first supplementary payment gig on a pay per word basis. Stones frontman and lip contortionist Micky Jagger told us “We’re sick of people thinking they can just pay £240 and hear all the music for free. Similarly how dare people pay […]
Britain will not give EU immigrants any more benefits unless they are prepared to ride around on the back of a lion, Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith has warned, after Brussels launched legal action to get him to relax the rules. As part of a new chapter in ‘Compassionate Conservatism’, the Government is […]
High streets are stupid and should be filled in with concrete according to a recent poll. A bygone era when one could pay thruppence for parking and peruse some haberdashery or 1970s delicacies under one roof at the local Jenkinson, Abdul and Eric department store now seems like a distant memory. Grumpy old man Charlie […]
Boris Johnson has been asked by David Cameron to stop moving his belongings into number 10 and at least wait until a leadership contest according to Government sources. It’s thought that ever since he was turned away from Downing street 6 months ago after arriving with several removal lorries, he has been attempting to move […]
The British public this morning united as one to thank the English Defence League for being so quick off the mark to get together and defend Britain from extremists. By throwing bottles at the Police. A spokesman from the Metropolitan Police told us “Initially we felt after an attack from Islamic extremists we could have […]
Dr Brian May former string twanger with pop group Queen, astronomer and now badger farm owner has revealed to the public that he is increasingly unhappy about a number of things. “I’m not happy about a number of things” he explained. Several TV Doctors were unavailable for comment but we did manage to speak […]
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