The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Sir John Chilcott is planning to take a year off from the enquiry he is heading into the Iraq war, according to sources close to the laid back investigator. Having started it in 2009, Sir John has reportedly been considering widening his CV by perhaps going to work on a kibbutz or perhaps a ranch […]
Iain Duncan Smith is reportedly off to the pub with his imaginary friends this evening after a hard day’s fabricating stories from fictional benefits claimants. Dressed in his evening attire and ready for a night on the tiles, the Work and pensions Secretary told us “I may have bent the truth a little bit regarding […]
Labour must avoid electing a leader with facial hair at all costs, according to leadership hopeful Andy Burnham, who has warned of catastrophic consequences to party members who choose to put their trust in a man with a beard. “One of the founding principles of the Labour movement is that you should never trust a […]
Faceless corporations owned by private equity firms have come together as one to warn the public against voting for someone they might like, as opposed to a private sector endorsed, clinical corporate puppet worshipping at the shrine of year on year growth. A number of multinationals, speaking through the mediums of Tony Blair, Andy Burnham […]
Farting is set to be banned in pub beer gardens following a report released today by the Royal Society for Public Health who said that the practise should be seen as “abnormal” and more controls are needed to cover areas where people gather. Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt said that regrettably despite Government intervention, people were […]
All Olympic medals are set to be reallocated to a fat man following the news that all athletes have tested positive on a mass retest of samples from 1954 to the present day. A spokesman for the International Olympic Committee said “We have to give these medals to someone. And as it turns out all […]
The Queen is set to appear as the guest celebrity on the next episode of popular genealogy documentary Who Do You Think You Are, according to BBC sources. A spokesman for the Corporation told us that the Queen, who is also rumoured to be filming an episode of Undercover Boss, wasn’t a big fan of […]
Hi I’m Mark Steele. I’m a cheeky young lefty chappy in his fifties. I was just reading about Spanish authorities charging Germans for leaving their towels on sun loungers over night. And I thought to myself, this is our fault. More to the point it’s Thatcher’s. Ok everyone knows that the Germans annexe every bit […]
Australia are rubbish at cricket and Vegemite is just shit Marmite according to Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott. Speaking to a heaving press conference the controversial Premier said “It’s time we faced a number of facts regarding our national icons. Koala bears smell and they poo everywhere. And vegemite is simply awful. We’ve been banging […]
More than 300,000 households in Lancashire have been warned by the Department of Health to only drink alcoholic drinks after reports that all their water is now contaminated with a microbial parasite. Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt said “We’re going to sort it out at some point in the next few days, but until then all […]
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