The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
The Sun newspaper has confirmed today that under recently increasing pressure from protest groups to ban boobs on page three, it has decided to keep them but offset them with a picture of a mans bollocks to make it fair. “It’s not fair that men have to buy the sun when they want to see […]
The Daily Mail has had to hire extra temporary staff to deal with the huge amount of post containing letters of apology from members of the British public. It appears this morning that despite many warnings from the Daily Mail over several decades, Jesus Xavier Disraeli aged 34 from Bolivia, arrived in Britain unchecked, collected […]
The British public are going to have to follow Andy Murray around 24 hours a day cheering him on through megaphones if he is to stand a chance of winning this years Wimbledon tournament according to former British number one Timmy Henman. “I’m very confident that he can win but only if everyone cheers him […]
The list of veteran TV presenters in trouble with the law grew even longer today as weather guru and role model for millions, Michael Fish was accused of siphoning off the most favourable weather for his own personal use, according to a Guardian exposé today. The controversial climatalogical soothsayer has allegedly been photographed sitting under […]
The British public have today backed Dame Helen Mirren as she has called for smug drumming troupes to finally piss off and bang their stupid drums somewhere else. Speaking at a press conference, Dame Helen told us “I’m basically the Queen these days as people prefer me to the other one. But with that comes […]
Stoke Mandeville hospital situated right in the heart of extra toe country, is quite used to its fair share of unusual injuries. But staff at accident and emergency were rather taken aback this morning, by the arrival of a local office manager Mike ‘Ted’ Rogers with a full time administrative job inserted firmly into his […]
The Queen is due to celebrate her birthday privately amongst family and friends according to Buckingham Palace. However, the night before is open to anyone and will involve an eight hour binge around the many chain pubs prevalent in the central London area. A spokesman from the Palace told us “Her Majesty wishes that her […]
The worlds population as a whole have been urged to ‘remain calm’ as shockwaves resulting from teen crooner Justin Bieber’s ‘worst birthday ever’ have caused worldwide protests. Up to a quarter of the worlds population put aside the fact that many are living in absolute poverty and suffering the end of a global recession, to […]
In a move to end “non-competitive sports days” the Prime Minister today announced new measures to berate overweight pupils who come last in running races. Mr Cameron told News Toad this morning, “Under the labour government, nobody wanted to offend the fat kid who always comes last. Well we’re done with mollycoddling, and we’re going […]
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