The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
The British public are reportedly up in arms this morning as several days after the Royal baby’s arrival it doesn’t appear to be doing very much. One disgruntled member of the public told us “Once again we bring these descendants of tyrannical despots into a life of unbridled luxury at the tax payers expense and […]
A spokesman from St Mary’s Hospital has today confirmed that Princess Kate’s labour will indeed be enhanced by musician and television presenter Jools Holland playing a variety of boogie woogie classics in time with the contractions. A music industry insider told us “It’s difficult to say no to Jools. Whenever any band starts to make […]
His Royal Highness Prince Charles has today urged the public to ignore scientifically proven cures for illnesses and instead rely on sugar pills soaked with water, that may have been in the same jug as some water that may have touched an ingredient which is not proven in anyway to cure the affliction in question. […]
Her Royal Highness Her majesty Elizabeth The Queen is apparently unavailable for comment today after the first 24 hours of “getting right on it” following yesterdays pay rise. In what was described by Royal sources as “serious result” in the form of a £2 million pay rise from the public purse, the Palace hosted one […]
The Queen has been urged to stop milking it with the incessant rounds of birthdays, official birthdays, jubilees and anniversaries of coronations according to an insider from the British public. “It’s just got stupid. I’m sure these things used to be once every ten years or so. But it’s got like X factor or Britain’s […]
The Queen is due to celebrate her birthday privately amongst family and friends according to Buckingham Palace. However, the night before is open to anyone and will involve an eight hour binge around the many chain pubs prevalent in the central London area. A spokesman from the Palace told us “Her Majesty wishes that her […]
The Duchess of Cambridge, Princess Kate Middleton has broken her customary regal silence, to voice her disagreement with writer Hilary Mantel, and let her know that she plans to punch her in the tits. The situation has escalated since it began a fortnight ago, when Mantel gave a speech at the British Museum in which […]
A spokesman for Buckingham Palace has relayed the ‘utter fury’ felt by the Royal Family at another unauthorised picture of Princess Kate, this time in the form of a stick drawing by 5 year old Poppy from Burgess Hill. “I can confirm that an unauthorised picture of the pregnant Princess has been drawn by an […]
Prince Harry has voiced his distaste of the media, to the media, in the hope that they will tell other people in the media, in a press conference in Afghanistan organised by the Prince himself. Posing for photos this morning, the ginger Royal expressed his dislike of press conferences and having his photo taken. “It’s […]
The Duchess of Cambridge has confirmed the recent baby news from the BBC as a false alarm as it has turned out to be a ‘difficult poo’. In a statement this afternoon, the Duchess told us “I was convinced that I was pregnant, but on the other hand I hadn’t dropped the kids off at […]
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