The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Government legislation to charge 5p for plastic bags is set to start a stampede of consumer madness this morning according to shopping experts. One shopper we spoke to was just finishing an excited morning of bag procurement when we spoke to him.”They’re an absolute bargain. I can buy 20 of these polythene bad boys and […]
The Bank of England have been urged today to use whatever fiscal powers they have at their disposal as throughout Britain house prices began vibrating for the first time in recent history. One owner of a larger than average house told us “It’s absolutely terrible. If my house is increasing in value then naturally I […]
A new privatised Royal Mail will be ditching the traditional concept of a business that delivers letters and parcels to instead focus on the Royal Mail brand. Hordes of marketing executives are set to meet up and quaff champagne and nose candy whilst they decide whether the new RM™ is going to involve a big R […]
Hi I’m Michael Gove and I’m terribly upset by accusations that I am out of touch when I merely said poor people should manage their finances better instead of using food banks. It’s my fault for not being more specific, so I’d like to explain some money saving tips that have always worked for me […]
Armed Officers working within the grounds of Buckingham Palace have been slammed for failing to intervene as Prince Andrew was yesterday attacked, mauled and finally eaten by a pack of marauding bears according to Royal sources. The news is the latest in a catalogue of incidents which arose as tax payer funded police failed to […]
Indigenous Australians throughout the country have been celebrating through the night at the news that under new management, all immigrants will now be turned away, a policy set to be backdated for the last 400 years. One Aboriginal Australian told us “It’s all been very nice but after 400 years it’s high time they all […]
David Cameron is reportedly set for a series of private meetings within G20 with another delegate that apparently no-one else can see and is known solely as Roland. One journalist covering the meeting in Moscow told us “It’s been a funny conference so far. Nobody seemed to want to talk to Mr Cameron but he […]
Almost half of England’s school districts have more potential gang members than gang places according to the latest figures released by the Local Government Association this morning. David Simmonds of the LGA told us “Mums and dads want to know that there’s a good quality gang in their neighbourhood where their children can tool themselves up […]
Poor people should be making nutritious meals out of their household pets according to TV chef Jamie Oliver. Taking a break from a busy day of shouting at patrons of a kebab shop in Basildon through a megaphone, the mockney grub stirrer told us “It’s outrageous. I visited some poor people as part of my […]
Simon Cowell was said this morning to be “livid” regarding a surprise change to the Channel 4 schedule which will involve a screening of a man taking a dump into a bucket. It’s thought that this will be shown at the same time as every X factor episode throughout the new series, and that the […]
News Toad 
You must be logged in to post a comment.