The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Plans to legalise same-sex marriage in England and Wales return to the Commons later, amid continuing opposition from some Conservative activists and MPs who have argued that the proposed legislation is ‘flawed, unconservative and divisive’ and more importantly will awake the Kraken. The Marriage Bill was approved by a 225-vote majority when it was last […]
Conservative Party Co-chairman Lord Feldman has said he feels ‘great relief’ today as the majority of grassroots party members have confirmed “He’s absolutely right you know. We are mad, swivel-eyed loons”. Speaking at a hastily assembled press conference Lord Feldman admitted that at one point he thought he may have gone a bit far and […]
David Cameron has today joined other politicians in expressing condemnation at recent revelations that not only have the oil industry been fixing prices, but also allegedly making oil and petrol out of squashed animals. “Look, I don’t think anyone can honestly say they haven’t trodden on a dog or a rabbit at some point in […]
David Cameron has reportedly flown to Washington to ‘tell’ on his senior ministers who have tried to speed up a referendum to pull out of Europe behind his back. Education Secretary Michael Gove has apparently received a text from the Prime Minister saying “You wait, I’m telling on you. Then you’ll be sorry” before David […]
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has said he is “absolutely delighted” at news that a new Jizz flick is set to be made in the UK rather than the other side of the pond. Speaking at a meeting of the G7 group of industrialised nations, Mr Osborne said the decision to make the film here was […]
Abu Qatada has surprised his critics today by agreeing to leave Britain on his own accord. He has however stipulated that Home Secretary Theresa May must come with him. In a statement read out by his solicitor this morning the hairy Lothario explained his decision. “The art of being a good guest is knowing when […]
David Cameron has assured the public that he will be more racist in the future as he makes plans to win back the votes of people who like to blame things on foreigners. “Obviously I made a mistake in calling UKIP members fruitcakes and closet racists, as it’s given them load of votes. So I’d […]
A US invasion of the Isle of Wight became ever more imminent today as President Barack Obama warned that there may or may not be some intelligence to suggest that the pariah Island may have weapons of mass destruction. Speaking at a press conference this morning Mr Obama stated “We have varying degrees of confidence […]
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has come under fire again this morning having received a complaint from a benefit claimant that the Tory Minister parked his Land Rover firmly in his sphincter. “After being made redundant from a job I’d had for 30 years I had just been to sign on for the first […]
Lord Carey has this morning issued Prime Minister David Cameron with a stark warning “Start persecuting homosexuals again or we’ll set God on you”. Speaking at his annual pre-chocolate egg day address, the Former Archbishop of Canterbury told us “God loves everyone. But he loves us more because we go to church and wear special […]
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