The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Michael Gove has called on all parents to drive their children into school in a Land Rover as it has emerged today that there is a direct correlation between successful schools and pupils who are used to being ferried about in huge four wheel drive sports utility vehicles. Speaking at a press conference this morning […]
In yet another setback to the Government’s attempts to extradite beard sporting extremist Abu Qatada, the Court of Appeal has today refused the Government permission to take its fight to the supreme court, concluding that he must be treated in exactly the same way as hairy American rockers ZZ Top. Citing reasons that the Jordanian Government […]
Would be Glastonbury festival revellers who have been disappointed at not being able to buy a ticket for £205 plus booking fee may have a second chance to attend as organisers have issued the following statement “Don’t worry about tickets. Just climb over the wall”. In the past organisers have defended the ticket price saying […]
The Queen is due to celebrate her birthday privately amongst family and friends according to Buckingham Palace. However, the night before is open to anyone and will involve an eight hour binge around the many chain pubs prevalent in the central London area. A spokesman from the Palace told us “Her Majesty wishes that her […]
The British public have today responded to Rolf Harris’s charges with a united voice. “It can’t have been Rolf. It must have been Dave Lee Travis”. Harris who brought such hits to us as ‘two little boys’, ‘jake the peg with his extra leg’, and more recently ‘Let me do you up the wrong’un sheila’ […]
Welsh people could have avoided their present measles epidemic if they had simply planned ahead and booked themselves in for crystal therapy sessions according to the National Association of Crystal Healing Therapists today. Speaking at press conference, a spokesman for the Association explained “It’s all a bit irresponsible. Everybody knows measles is caused by sluggish […]
Tesco’s annual profits have fallen for the first time in almost 20 years, as the UK’s biggest supermarket confirmed it was pulling out of the US. Largely due to the failure of their US supermarket venture “Fat and Shooty”, a spokesman for the chain issued a statement in which he appealed to lost customers on […]
Madonna is set to become legal parent to the entire country of Malawi according to Governnment sources who along with Malawi’s 15 million inhabitants are all going to be calling her “mother”. President of Malawi Joyce Banda has recalled how Madonna rattled around Malawi like a “rabid, crazy adopting machine gun” with her legal team […]
The Government were today rethinking the £12 million funeral planned for former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher after reports that she is actually alive and working in a beach bar in the Gambia. Gone it appears is her ginger hair and her steely demeanour. The new life in the sun has made her black, well built […]
The News of the death of Former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher has been over shadowed today by the news that Former Prime Minister and war mongerer Tony Blair has been hotly tipped to be taking over as the next Doctor Who when Matt Smith hangs up his sonic screwdriver in December of this year. Speaking […]
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