The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
George Osborne has today fended off accusations that he is incompetent and irresponsible as widespread criticism mounts that he is issuing an Autumn statement in Winter. Shadow Chancellor Eddie Balls told us “It’s ridiculous. Everybody knows that December is in Winter. If he can’t get that right then how can he be left in charge […]
Dappy from N-Dubz is said to be in a critical but stable condition today having been eaten by a horse. The incident occurred during filming of a new TV series where the hapless rapper is attacked by a different animal every week. This episode’s assailant, a 4 year old thoroughbred steed, was just supposed to […]
Cigarettes are to start using invisible packaging as part of a series of new measures to discourage smokers. Secretary of State for Health, Member of Parliament for South West Surrey, and supporter of homeopathic woo, Jeremy Hunt said “If people can’t find their cigarettes then they’re less likely to smoke. The only slight flaw is that […]
Nigella Lawson is set to top the charts of best selling books this Christmas with her latest literary offering ‘The not very hungry cook book’ “I wrote a lot of it in the London borough of Chingford. So I was originally going to call it Ching food. But the ‘not very hungry cook book’ had […]
A new Independent Scotland will operate as a musical according to SNP leader Alex Salmond’s white paper released today. Speaking to a packed Press Conference Mr Salmond explained “I have a vision of a new Scotland, singing and dancing together from first thing in the morning to just before bed time. Obviously I will be […]
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Well actually he wasn’t. But in many respects he was, as it took Doctor Who played by Hurt, Tennant and Smith to finally convince the world that Iran should really have nuclear power. An insider from the talks in Geneva explained “It was quite clear that no-one really had their heart […]
Disgraced former Priest, Labour Councillor, charity boss and Chairman of the Cooperative bank Paul Flowers is set to present a new series of Jim’ll Fix It, according to BBC insiders. Mr Flowers who is due to be changing his first name to Jim specifically for the new position told of his excitement at bagging the […]
Aspiring women Bishops are leaving the Church of England in their droves and moving to worship the Dark Lord Satan according to the latest figures released by the Office of National statistics this morning. It appears that despite the agreement of the Synod to reconsider the matter of women Bishops next year, many lady vicars […]
Former Cooperative bank chairman Paul Flowers has assured members of the public that should he end up in charge of a bank again he will take far less drugs and learn to do sums. “I think the best thing is to learn from your mistakes. I’ve lost my job as a priest, a local Government Labour […]
Road safety campaigners Brake have called today for a total ban on juggling whilst driving. The demand, supported by the Association of Chief Police officers, is accompanied by figures that show that the juggling of 3 or more objects may have a detrimental affect on driving ability and even increase stopping times. A spokesman for […]
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