The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Newspapers and television news stations alike have come together as one in condemning the ‘deplorable actions’ of newly appointed Toddler Police Commissioner Tommy Perkins who in just one day of office is facing a charge of gross misconduct. Despite the responsibilities that go with his high office he has already left an important meeting to […]
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has come under fire again this morning having received a complaint from a benefit claimant that the Tory Minister parked his Land Rover firmly in his sphincter. “After being made redundant from a job I’d had for 30 years I had just been to sign on for the first […]
North Korea has been observed training troops to perform the fearsome military tactic of a Chinese Burn according to South Korea’s Foreign Minister. Kim Kwan-jin has however urged caution and played down concerns that this could potentially leave the United States with a slightly sore wrist. In a statement via the Korean Central News Agency, […]
People between jobs and struggling to survive on subsistence benefits should minimise food bills by simply tucking into themselves and other benefit claimants, according to Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith. “They all need to get together and decide by rolling dice or playing twister who should be first for the pot. For solitary […]
Lord Carey has this morning issued Prime Minister David Cameron with a stark warning “Start persecuting homosexuals again or we’ll set God on you”. Speaking at his annual pre-chocolate egg day address, the Former Archbishop of Canterbury told us “God loves everyone. But he loves us more because we go to church and wear special […]
David Miliband is planning to leave parliament to pursue his life long dream of being a train driver a close friend has confirmed to NewsToad. “He’s always wanted to be a train driver and finally he’s going to be one. He’s only been doing politics whilst he has been waiting for a position to come […]
The long disputed mystery of the identity of the Ronald McDonald clown has been unexpectedly brought to a conclusion as former Smiths front man Morrissey has admitted that when not being miserable, judgmental and vegetarian, he actually likes to plaster himself in make up, laugh a lot, and scoff lots of beef burgers. “My favourite […]
Coronation street thespian and spiritualist William Roache has made a heartfelt plea to the general public to desist from shoving things up his arse. The actor who specialises in playing Ken Barlows made the announcement via twitter, facebook and telepathy from his room in a private hospital where already he has had a toothbrush, a […]
Shiny new Pope Frank has announced at his Inauguration Mass today that his first task as Catholic Church Boss will be to lead an all out invasion of the Falkland Islands. Speaking in Latin, he told the 200.000 strong crowd “I’ve been approached by Argentinian president Cristina Fernandez and asked if I can do something […]
In a week that has seen David Cameron not only accidentally invited to a meeting to choose his successor but actually nominated to take over from himself as Party Leader, moves are apparently afoot amongst grass roots conservatives to get rid of David Cameron’s replacement as soon as he or she replaces David Cameron. One […]
News Toad 
You must be logged in to post a comment.