The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
The Romanian and Bulgarian ambassadors to Britain have been summoned to Downing street for urgent talks this morning following the complete absence of the stampede of immigrants expected on New Years day. Prime Minister David Cameron explained “We were supposed to wake up on New years day to find them all camping on roundabouts and […]
Britain has been described as being in a perpetual state of celebration today as the New Years Honours list has made everybody a Lord. Prime Minister David Cameron heralded the scheme as a victory for common sense, and one in the eye for all naysayers. “It’s all been a bit difficult. We want to combine […]
Nigel Farage has promised to virtually abolish Britain’s rules on immigration providing immigrants are only visiting for the week-end. Speaking at a press conference this morning the strangely beagle like politician explained that he had had a rethink on the concept of a multicultural Britain. “I’ve had to have a rethink as it’s come to […]
In their strongest anti smoking message yet reiki therapists have warned that heavy smoking may cause permanent damage to chakras, the aura and may slow down the flow of chi. A spokesman for the the British Reiki Association (BRA) told us “We don’t really believe in ‘lungs’ and ‘the brain’ per se, as they rely […]
A Government think tank has today called for talks regarding individualised styles of mild violence against particular animals. Speaking at a packed press conference the Prime Minister explained “We’re not going to be pushing for an immediate and outright ban. We’re merely saying if anyone has a pet monkey then they shouldn’t be spanking it […]
The Cabinet Office has announced that high cost phone lines which have overcharged victims of crime, widows and students are highly inappropriate, unless accompanied with some sort of verbal porn, preferably from the Ministers and heads of department themselves. David Cameron said yesterday that entirely free phone lines should be considered when callers are likely to […]
Dull people throughout the western world have today made up for yesterdays “Jesus doesn’t want the shops open day” by attending shops, town centres and shopping lifestyle villages en masse, as the Boxing day sales offered these people a welcome return to glossing over the futility of their meaningless lives. One shopper we spoke to […]
Hi My name’s Anjem Choudary and when I’m not preaching hate or arguing with John Humphreys on Radio 4 I like nothing more than celebrating Christmas. I’d celebrate it every single day given half a chance. I love all of it, the tree, the presents, the double episode of Eastenders but most of all I […]
A new influx of migrants expected to all arrive at the same time on Jan 1st 2014 will steal the houses of hard working people brick by brick before barbecuing and eating any household pets, according to a stark warning issued today by the Daily Mail. Keep Britain Britishy campaigner and Daily Mail knee jerk […]
Charles Saatchi, his estranged wife Nigella Lawson and their former personal assistants Francesca and Elisabetta Grillo have all been sentenced to fuck the fuck off, in a surprise ruling from Judge Robin Johnson. Passing sentence Judge Johnson said “I can’t be arsed to wait for the jury to make their minds up. I’m overruling any […]
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